Have Passport, will travel!

WOW! I hope the rest of this journey is like the passport process! Much to our suprise and without expedited processing, mommy and daddy are the proud owners of our very first passports after only a 37 day wait. My picture is still ugly, but it is less ugly than originally thought. Daddy has a big head and it shows in this piccie! We are both MUCH cuter in person! The documents are locked up safely and soundly in a fire-proof safe. I think they are even safe from our little terror Phoebe the "Petit Chat". More to follow about her antics in a later post. Suffice it to say that mommy and daddy are going to be parting with some serious cash and her name is written all over the damage! I'm sure CoCo LeTrixiebelle was in on it too. ARGH!

The first BIG day . . .

Our home study documents reached their destination fully intact. Sarah, who normally assigns contract social workers to do home studies in addition to herself said "Everything was very organized and very easy to follow. I'm going to go ahead and assign myself to your family." Hopefully she thought that we would be easy to work with since all my documents were organized and timely.

Our official first visit will be Tuesday, September 4, 2007. She said she will be going over our entire lives discussing childhoods, our plans as parents, support systems, etc. I am expecting to feel like I should have a lightbulb shining in my face in a little dark room. I know these things are rigorous for a reason, and even though I know we have a home and marriage that are stable, I still worry that we aren't good enough. I also know that doesn't come from reality . . . . it is my natural reaction to things seldom being as easy as they should be. Perhaps little MyMy is going to be our turning point in that area.

Sarah will be returning about a week later for follow up issues and to go over our home to ensure it is safe for a child and our child would have their own space. Consider it done!

More to follow . . .

WOW! The Gub'ment is more efficient than I thought!

Just got this email from US Department of State:

-----Original Message-----
From: DoNotReply@state.gov [mailto:DoNotReply@state.gov]
Sent: Tuesday, August 28, 2007 11:31 PM
To: s*****@*******com
Subject: Passport Application Status


We have finished processing your passport, and it has been mailed to you.

Your passport application locator number is ************.

You requested delivery by regular mail. Passport Agencies use Priority Mail.
This means you should receive your passport on or about 09/02/2007.


If you have any additional questions, you may contact the National Passport Information Center via e-mail at http://travel.state.gov/passport/about/npic/npic_896.html. Please include the above locator number. It will enable them to update you on the status of your application. For more information about the National Passport Information Center, please visit us at http://travel.state.gov/passport/about/npic/npic_898.html.


We were told that it was taking from 10-12 weeks to get these with the new changes in the law requiring passports to Canada, Mexico and the Carribean, etc. Tax dollars hard at work! YEAH! Daddy's should be right behind mine.

Home Study News . . .

We shipped off our home study documents on Monday via Fed Ex. This is a list of inventory that was required before they would even accept our application:

INVENTORY SHEET OF ENCLOSURES

For Mommy & Daddy

Letters of reference

Letter Family-mother
Letter Friend-Aunt Amy
Letter Professional-former boss
Letter Family-sister
Letter Best friend-Aunt Christi
Letter Professional-coworker Michele


Identifying Documents

Marriage Certificate
Birth Certificate-Daddy
Birth Certificate-Mommy
Recent Photo of Mommy & Daddy

Financial Documentation

Copy of 2006 Fed. Inc. Tax return YES
Copy of ch. Acct stmts - 2 mos. YES
Completed Budget worksheet YES

Medical/Psych/Criminal Documents

Medical Form-Mommy
Psych clearance-Mommy/Daddy
Criminal Clearance - Mommy
Criminal Clearance - Daddy
Medical Form - Daddy-turning in by Tues.

Education
Mommy 5 hrs
Daddy 5 hrs

AND A BIG FAT CHECK FOR $1,500.00

That's all folks!

Heaven . . . .

It has been a long month. Long for many reasons. Long mostly because of the stress we've been under. For those that don't know, Daddy and I promised ourselves we would do a certain number of attempts with assisted fertility treatments. This was before adoption became closer to a reality than just a dream. Our timing, true to form, was a little off and we found ourselves in the midst of our final attempt at conception whilst having already started the adoption process.

I would NOT recommend this to souls lesser than the Saints.

My world started spinning in late July and hasn't stopped. The ridiculously high hormone levels they had me on didn't help my attitude either. Needless to say, I found out for sure that our final attempt failed yesterday. Don't get me wrong. I'm pleased as punch that being pregnant won't stand in the way of our going to get MyMy at the earliest possible opportunity. It is just that the closing of a long, painful, soul-shredding chapter in our lives is a little overwhelming. I will admit to some sadness about not giving birth to my child physically, but it has just driven home to me that the emotional "pregnancy" is at least as profound. In some ways more so . . . . Daddy gets to feel the same stuff that Mommy feels. The emotions I feel as I close the book on trying to conceive are quite complex . . . . moreso than even I could imagine. I feel as though I am saying goodbye to something I never had to begin with. Perhaps I am saying goodbye to what was once my dream. I have found myself running an emotional marathon over the last four years and I just realized in this moment that it was August 2003 that Daddy and I began this exhaustively lengthy journey. I have lost 3 babies. Three times out of over 48 attempts have we succeeded in the first round of parenthood only to be denied what we have now learned is called a "live birth". Funny . . . . I just used to call it "having a baby". I have been so angry at being forced to know all that I have had to know throughout this whole process. I have been angry at the child who didn't want to be born to us. Sounds crazy huh? I told you all this was soul shredding. I have been sad because I have had moments where I believed what several people have told us . . . "Everything happens for a reason". "God has a plan". Please don't say that to us anymore. We don't believe that God took 3 little lives away for ANY reason. It is just life. . . . . and we just have to live it. And live it we shall. For those that think that adoption might be a second choice to us, please let go of that idea. Adoption and the country of Viet Nam have now become our guiding light and saving grace. Viet Nam has allowed us to replace sadness with joy. . . . Desperation with hope . . . Anger with determination . . . . and emptiness with contentment. As I sit quietly in the dark shedding tears of sadness over an ending and I also shed tears of joy for the anticipation of preparing the road for MyMy to come home. There is so much left to do and I feel tired. But I don't doubt for a minute that I will have what it takes to bring her home. That is what mommies do.

I am listening to the soundtrack of Riverdance . . .. a particularly haunting violin is playing the soundtrack of my emotions. If I allow myself to drift off and dare to dream again, I clearly see the rolling landscape of lush emerald grass somewhere near Dublin Ireland. I'm watching Daddy get smaller and smaller as he mountain bikes into the hills and over my shoulder I turn back to look at my little Vietnamese treasure trying to outrun her new puppy to get to mommy. Now wouldn't that be a sweet ending to all this. . . . . . Perhaps the thought of MyMy has helped me to learn how to daydream again. Oh the stories we shall make up at bedtime together .. .. . . See you soon darling . . .. but not nearly soon enough.

I Guess I'm One of Dem now!

I got an email this past week at work from our adoption agency addressed to "Vietnam Families". I haven't signed the contract with them as they won't contract with anyone until they pass a home study. Actually, that makes me feel a little better about their integrity. At any rate, I thought I'd share the contents of the email so that those keeping up with this "pregnancy without a due date" process will be in the loop.


Hello Vietnam families,

I am writing this update from Florida where I have just helped by eldest
son move into his apartment to attend Florida State University. My emails
were arriving but I was unable to send any. Sorry for the delay but cyberspace
continues to be a challenge for me when I am not in the office.

Motherhood - I got back from Vietnam and the next day left for Florida -to
clean an outrageously dirty apartment . . . not that I want to discourage any of you from the wonders of parenting! My trip was wonderful. Vietnam and its people are truly lovely in spite of the abject poverty and other social issues it faces. We Americans could learn from their attitude and perseverance. I visited all of our gorgeous ******** children and was able to take pictures and video of each child. All the waiting families with referrals should have the pictures by now and hopefully the video soon. Three of our Ho Chi Minh families have their Giving and Receiving ceremony dates and are traveling this week. We anticipated that four of our TH families would also be traveling but there has been a delay in their paperwork processing. The provincial police in TH still have their files and they have not signed off and returned them to the Justice Department. There is an investigation going on, UNRELATED to adoption, that has put everything else on hold. The TH Justice Department is very frustrated by the delay but has no authority to do anything but ask and wait. This is an example of what can happen during the process that is unexpected and over which we have no control. When I am asked about timing and how long the adoption process will take, I try to make it clear that we can guess but it is only a guess. I know that is difficult to hear but it is so true.
I was complaining about this in the car yesterday and my 13 year old son
said to me "patience is waiting without worry." I almost drove off the road
because he is the least patient person I know. When I asked him why he said
that, he told me we had just passed a church with a sign out front and he
was merely reading it, not listening to me at all. I never thought of it that way. It is "without worry" that makes the wait more bearable. Now if (our agency) can help families figure out how not to worry, all will be well!

There is much good news. Our children are healthy and being well cared
for. I was surprised to find that in Thanh Hoa they really do have one
caregiver for every two babies. All of the caregivers I met in HCMC and Thanh Hoa are so nice and affectionate and caring. The children were healthy and clean and happy. I was thrilled! Of course we want them all to come home at the
earliest possible date but it is good for the 'without worry' part to know
your children are doing well in your absence. We have a new (agency) person on Ho Chi Minh City (in addition to our other staff) who will help us substantially increase the number of referrals from the orphanages there. This will shorten the referral process for many of you. I cannot say by how much at this point but I am delighted that we are working with her. I have had a number of inquiries about what you as an adopting family can do to expedite the process. There is nothing you can do from here or in Vietnam to change the timing of your process. If there were, we would already have you doing it. The Vietnam government will not talk with foreigners about anything, adoption included. That is why we have a Vietnamese staff. For some of you, it will go by quickly and without any bumps. For others, it may take longer and have a snag (like the one described above). This has nothing to do with you or your case. Our staff is doing all they can to avoid any delays and will continue to advocate for you and your child. Your adoption will happen and you will be a parent to the best child on earth. I know because it has happened to me (several times) and I know you will tell me so just weeks after you return from Vietnam. Please understand that this is a complicated process and takes the efforts of many people here and in Vietnam. The lack of control is hard to live with but maybe that sign Zachary saw should be on all our refrigerators - "Patience is waiting without worry."

My best to all of you. I will be in touch individually with any of you
for whom I have news.

Grandma's excited too!

Forgot to mention that when I took my mother to breakfast Saturday, she was eager to hear the latest details about what it happening. Then, we went to her store so she could open where I spent time with her for several hours. EVERYONE that walked in the store got to hear about how "WE" (meaning ALL of us!) are adopting a little baby from Viet Nam.

Granny probably has no idea how awesome it felt to sit back and watch her beam about "our" little creature that probably isn't even born yet. It was definitely deserving of its own separate post.

The first toy . . . .

I was visiting my mother Saturday and this little gem caught my eye. It was unique and colorful . . . . just like our family will be! Who has ever seen a wooden little Zebra as a tot vehicle!? I haven't, but I can't wait to show pictures of MyMy's first ride on it! For those of you that know me, you get what a huge deal it was for me to bring this home. It was a present from grandma which was so very special and it is also a demonstration of how confident I am that we will bring our MyMy home. Ain't it just cute as a button!?

My FAVORITE letter I got Saturday from Auntie Amy!

The wonderful women on my website are some of my greatest friends. They have supported my in ways far beyond the call of duty and have stuck by me in my darkest hours. MyMy coming into our lives has a lot to do with their continued belief that we have what it takes to make our dream of being a mom and dad come true.

I have wanted to meet all of them face to face, but it just hasn't been practical because of distances and busy schedules. It is for that reason that I would never have asked them to be a reference for us. Even though I have always represented myself as "what you see is what you get", it is hard to be completely assured of that in cyberspace. Well, Auntie Amy volunteered to write a letter anyway. I was touched beyond words. Then she sent me a copy of what she is sending to the social worker. Daddy and I were both moved to tears.

Getting Amy's support in that way was the thing that helped get me back in the game after the financial bumps we hit this week. Now, we have been certified as positively groovy by a psychologist and a genuine Rocket Scientist!!!!!! Perhaps MyMy will follow her Auntie Amy's lead at Nasa!

Thanks Auntie Amy!

Sweating a tiny bit less!

One of the attorneys I work with rushed up to my desk Friday afternoon to ask if I sold my stock and I told him not yet. He said "Wait! The market just rallied. I think you should hold off at least another day."

WHEW!!!! I'm glad I listened to him. I closed the day with gain and as long as it stays within $200 of where we are now, I'll leave that money alone until I need it. I still have financial plan A in the works, but if that doesn't work out or if it looks like it won't be worth the trouble, I know we still can probably be where we need to be with plan B. And that is entirely too many "b's" in a row!

And MyMy . . . . . don't ask for a new car when you turn 16!

Psychologically CERTIFIED!!!!!!

WOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!! My adoption agency requires a letter of recommendation from a psychologist giving us approval to move forward with an adoption and it arrived today!! Thanks Doc!

Now . . . when MyMy screams "Mom . . . . You're CRAZY!", I can show her evidence to the contrary.

I also got my medical report for clearance to adopt as well from Dr. Perfect. I will have to get another updated report right before we send our dosssier to Vietnam because they want to make sure our information is current. Daddy has called to get his appointment for his medical report to be completed.

Dear Mommy and Daddy, Love the SBI . . . .

Boy that was fast! Here are the contents of two separate letters we just got from the State Bureau of Investigation yesterday:

"Dear Sharon ______________:

Pursuant to your request to determine if you have a criminal record with the SBI, your fingerprints were searched agaisnt our criminal history files. Based on this search, no criminal records were found. Your fingerprint card is enclosed.

I hope this is responsive to your needs.

Sincerely,

SDE

Criminal Informaiton and Identification Section"

I was really impressed that the SBI returned our information so quickly. I was especially pleased that no one paraded around as me and got arrested!!!!!!! Coming in on the heels of the financial concerns helped remind me even though we've hit a couple of snags, I have a plan B in place for a reason. We may be completely tapped at the end of this, but it is a sacrifice we are both willing to make to get our child. More happy news to follow. I need to really focus on what is going right more than what is going haywire. I will still report the snags because this is meant to be a factual account as well as a diary of emotions on our journy to Viet Nam.

Sweating Bullets!

An anecdotal explanation as to why I sometimes feel defeated . . . . . .

Adoptions are expensive. We are normal working, middle class people. No big deal. How are we to finance this adoption? Well . . . . we have equity in our home and that is a pretty smart move considering we can lower our interest rate and have little to no increase in our house payment. So far so good right?

WRONG! It appears as though the exact moment in time that we were to begin refinancing, the subprime lending market TANKS! The big players are dropping like flies and the prime lenders can't keep up with buyouts. The feds are tossing 38 Billion to offset market panics which doesn't seem to be working. The domino affect is that individual investors are selling en masse. EVERYONE'S IN A TIZZY! NO NO NO NO NO!!!!! Not right now! Please not now!!!!! My plan B was to supplement my savings with a draw on my retirement BUT THAT IS BEING HIT TOO BECAUSE OF THE MASS EXODUS FROM THE MORTGAGE SECURITIES VIA MUTUAL FUNDS.

I feel like I'm in Vegas already! I've been watching daily as my investments are taking significant hits. Now . . . . normally, I wouldn't be bothered because I know the market will correct itself. But that could take 6 months or more. I NEED MY MONEY NOW!!!!!!!

I am going to ride it out one more day for trading. I just got word through one of my attorneys that the market is starting to rally today because the feds, in an unprecedented move, dropped the interest rate by about 1/4 percent in between sessions to help ease the burden and panic. Hopefully this will at least stop the blood letting on my mutual funds.

This is only my newest Murphy's law experience. I am making an effort into "looking on the bright side" . . . . "making Lemonade out of lemons" . . . . . "seeing the glass half full" . . . . . Hmmmm . . . . . what twist could I put on this to help with the sting of plummeting investments and financial uncertainty? OH! I know . . . . . at least I sound like I know what I'm talking about when it comes to the economy!!!!!! At least I have some money to be worried about! OK . . . . I need input from the audience here. Not sure if I'm buying this!

MyMy . . . . . Mommy's panicking a tad, but it's gonna be ok. Breathe in . . . . . breathe out.

"Excuse me . . . Can I get a criminal background check and small order of fries?"

Well, after securing my money order to pay for our criminal history documentation, I shot my letter off to the SBI. The finger print cards were groovy. Daddy has MUCH bigger prints than Mommy. . . . . which is the ONLY thing I have that is smaller than his.

I have been told that this doesn't take very long so perhaps by next week I'll have access to our wicked past!!! OOOOOOOOOOO!

I'm in good shape . . . . . as long as they don't pay attention to those speeding tickets . . . . Which are a thing of the past officer! I swear! Wait . . . . . did I pay that last parking ticket? Would that show up? I'm getting nutz aren't I? Yes . . . . I do think I am. But not big nutz . . . just little nutz . . . neurotic like . . . or maybe not neurotic. . . . . no, that isn't the right word . . . . I'm going to collapse before we finally get approved I do reckon.

Where is my fainting smiley when I need it?

And do ya know what feels good?

Feeling good . . . . . for the first time in many years. Feeling hopeful . . . . for the first time in many years.

Bartender . . . . . A round of Happiness . . . . . for the house please!

Automated Doors . . . .

I was watching Adoption Stories last night. Yes . . . . I do watch those. Shut up! Yes, Daddy makes fun of me when I cry about those. Don't let him fool ya . . . . I've caught him crying too. We always get busted up at the same part in all the stories . . . . the part where mommy and daddy first receive their child. OK . . . enough of that!

So anyway . . . . . this couple adopted their child from India on the show yesterday and the mommy echoed my sentiments perfectly:

"When I was dealing with infertility, I had so many doors close on me on a regular and ongoing basis. With our adoption, it just felt like all the doors were always opening."

Yes Geeta . . . . . that is exactly what it feels like. Even the doors that appear to be closing a tad always have a window next to them. I'm really liking this so far. . . . . and many of my doors appear to be automated. *sigh*

"I've never seen these people before in my LIFE!"

August 4, 2007

I have asked a few people to provide reference letters for us that would cover the different life areas that are required. I am also asking more than 4 people as recommended by the agency since it is like pulling teeth to get these from what they said.

So far, I have asked 2 family members, a former boss, a current co-worker, and my very best friend in the whole world. I hope they will have theirs completed by August 15 but I’ll be asking others between now and then to be on the safe side. Everyone seems more than eager to be a part of this for us and that makes me feel great. I am honoured that they are willing to help us in this way as this is a vital part of us being approved to adopt our child. The wonderful thing about this group that I have initially chosen is that of the family members, one of them will be a huge part of our child’s life, the other, I hope to become a bigger part of our lives as a result. The older we get, the more critical family has become to us. My professional reference is also a dear friend who has adopted a child. My friend reference is adopted herself. And my poor co-worker has listened to daily updates on our conception process and now our adoption process. These folk are more than qualified to assess our parenting skills and I hope that comes across to the social worker.

Next task!

Daddy was fingerprinted too!

August 3, 2007

True to form, Daddy is one day behind Mommy in getting his prints done. It’s ok . . . . now Mommy has to complete the information on the print card and draft a letter to the SBI outlining the type of investigation we need. I’ll do that in a few days as I have to get started on reference letters.

More Fingerprints???

August 2, 2007

After receiving my letter from the State Bureau of Investigation with instructions, I head off to the sheriff’s department to get fingerprints for the SBI. This is a requirement in order for the SBI to process a criminal background check for our state. They are digital like the FBI prints, but for some reason (I’m sure being the US Gov’t they have a GREAT reason!), they cannot use the same prints; ergo we still must travel to another city for the FBI prints. The lady processing me is delightful and wishes me the best of luck. I make a mental note to bring MyMy by once she is home and introduce the two so this lady knows how much her job is appreciated and just how far her dedicated reaches. OK OK OK . . . . . I get how mushy this all sounds. I am taking that liberty because of all the doo doo I went through to get here. Leave me alone!

Cost of prints: $15.00 for each set (why does the FBI charge $70.00 per set!? Must be kinda like those hammers they purchased a few years ago that made the news that cost $80 each)

Walking in and asking to be investigated by the sheriff’s department: PRICELESS!

The Home Study process begins . . . . .

August 1, 2007


After reviewing the homestudy information, I begin to plot out gathering that data. According to our agency, they won’t even take our money to begin the home study without all of these documents being in place and presented. I just love these people already! Here are the items we have to gather PRIOR to requesting a home study to begin.

PRIMARY DOCUMENTS

1. Four letters of reference: must include people from at least 3 of the following areas in our lives: Friends, Family, professionals, or associations with social, support or faith groups you are a part of.
2. Identifying documents: a recent photo of us, a copy of our birth certificates, marriage certificate.
3. Financial documents: copy of most recent federal income tax return, copy of primary checking account statements from last 2 mos., complete budget worksheet.

SECONDARY DOCUMENTS

1. A medical certificate signed by our doctors and notarize giving a statement of good general health.
2. Since I am in therapy, my therapist must write a reference stating I am capable from his perspective of parenting a child.
3. Criminal Clearance at the SBI level.
4. Adoption Education – Daddy and I must complete a minimum of 5 hours of training/education each from a list of approved sources for adoption education. I’ve heard a few people say this is a PITA, however, I am anxious to learn more. You know, birthparents do not receive a manual with their children (and some are in desperate need of one), but adoptive parents have a unique opportunity to soak up information and not be looked down upon for not knowing intuitively all the right answers. I am choosing to embrace this requirement. It is the very least I owe MyMy to be as prepared as I possibly can be. Daddy will undoubtedly try to become the “bigger expert” than I and this is one competition that I’m ok with him winning. He is over the moon about this whole thing!

Off we go!!!!!

Passport Applications . . . .

August 1, 2007

have been received and are PROCESSING!

Santa brought confirmation today that the US Department of State is in receipt of our passport applications and in only about 3 months, we should have them. WOOOHOOO again!!!

The Adoption Seminar . . . And away we go!

July 31, 2007

Daddy and I head off to the adoption seminar at the first agency that we heard about. I must say that they lived up to their reputation. I found them to be honest, straight-forward, and knowledgeable about what the current climate is in the world with different programs. The director has 5 children, 4 of whom she adopted. That is comforting to know that she “gets” this on a personal level. I walk in with my list of questions and my excel spreadsheets outlining financial requirements. They set my mind at ease immediately. It also appears as though they are coming in approximately $3,000.00 less than the other agency we were considering. Travel will be the biggest variable and no agency can control that. They were pleased that we already started the I600A process and were told the Home Study should be done as quickly as possible given that the I600A could not be finalized without. GROOVY! Say when! I’m there! We were also told that they, as an agency, would not accept any fees or let us apply with them until we had successfully passed the home study. That was impressive to me to know they weren’t moneygrubbers and their primary purpose was placing the children in loving, safe, nurturing homes. They made it clear that even though we were paying the fees, they worked on behalf of the children and the children were their primary focus. We leave feeling that the journey ahead will be a little less scary with these folks working with us. It starts to really sink in that this is bigger than getting the privilege of being called Mommy and Daddy. It is bigger than picking out the right schools and extracurricular activities. We have a chance to help make the world a better place . . . . starting with one child. How lucky are we?

"HOUSTON . . . . We have received the I600A"

July 30, 2007


Today, I got official notification that I will be further notified about future notifications regarding my request for application to bring a foreign orphan into the country. I LOVE BUREAUCRACY!!!!!! I’m excited, nonetheless! The Department of Homeland Security has acknowledged us!! WOOOHOOOOO! They also let us know that we will be told when to come to their processing office to have our biometrics taken for FBI purposes. This is a 3 hour long trip. We are at their mercy for scheduling. This should be interesting. We have also been told that we should not dare try to reschedule this appointment unless we are attending a funeral . . . . . . Our own. The DHLS (Dept of Homeland Security) apparently doesn’t like it when you don’t agree with their choice of when they should do things. Righto!!!! We’re there!

The Paper Chase Begins . . .The Department of Homeland Security!

July 24, 2007

I have never been gifted at multi-tasking, but alas, this adoption journey is going to give me skills that would make Napoleon Dynamite gasp. Let me dig up a US Government certified definition of what the I600A is :

The I-600A is the first form you will fill out with the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS). This form is completed before a foreign orphan is located or has been identified for an adoption by you. Do NOT confuse this form with the I-600 form which is the Petition to Classify a Foreign Orphan as Immediate Relative.

This form used to take about 2-3 months to get approved and in some regions it still does. My state, of course, is taking about 5-6 months to approve. I was encouraged by my wonderful adoption agency that we are 99% sure we are going with to go ahead and move on this because it takes so long and the fees were going to increase as of July 30, 2007. This is the beginning of the big paper chase. Luckily, because mommy is so neurotic, I have all the paper to be chased in my handy filing cabinet! HAHHAHAHA! You can’t mess with me Homeland Security! Getting the form logged in was the critical piece of the paper chase. Final approval won’t happen until we have completed and been approved in the Home Study process, but the home study process can move along fairly quickly if all the other players in this masterpiece do their part. More to follow on that in a later entry. I had to include in this document birth certificates, marriage certificate, a release to the adoption agency we have chosen and a certification from mommy and daddy that all the copies I sent were unaltered. YEAH! Mission accomplished. Mommy has made copies of the Fed Ex airbill and the email confirmation that the USCIS received said documents (notice the legalese . . . . I’ve been at the law firm too long!). OH! Almost forgot! All of this had to be accompanied by a check:

Application fee: $545.00
2 sets of biometrics: $140.00 (that is FBI speak for fingerprints for those who are not felons. Who knew?)

I got confirmation via email that the Gov. received my documents on July 25, 2007. Groovy! Let’s hope they don’t lose them now! I have been told I will received a letter later on with a Log In Date (LID for future reference) and that will be my magical date that gets me in that long line of other parenting hopefuls.

Why am I scared? We would make great parents. We should have no problem being approved because we are the real deal. Our lives are open books and we have nothing to hide, but the anticipation of having the government be the approving body on if we are fit parenting material jars my nerves. I am told by others that have been through this that my fears are quite normal. Honestly, I’d be much less afraid of a tax audit! Probably because aside from being married to my husband, nothing has meant more to me in my life so far. Let’s hope Uncle Sam agrees with us and those that love us that we would make an outstanding Mommy/Daddy pair.

My Very First Passport!

July 24, 2007

I don’t have a passport. Never needed one. Travel down Capital Blvd doesn’t require a passport yet and that is pretty much the extent of my travels these days. My dear friend in the Immigration department of my law firm assures that we should jump on it right away as the new requirements for travel to Mexico and Canada have caused a back log. She should know. Currently, the wait is 10-12 weeks. Even though we know we will not need these, it makes me feel productive to go ahead and put my money where my mouth is regarding moving forward with bringing MyMy home. I, being the good neurotic that I am, jump on this right away. Daddy is two days behind Mommy in applying for his passport. I do believe this is a sign of things to come.

And, but, ahmm .. . . . . excuse me? Is it a requirement that your passport piccies make you look like a half-warmed turd? Actually, it is. Straight on pose directly into the camera, head tilted slightly down and ABSOLUTELY NO SMILING ALLOWED. Mission accomplished. I hope they don’t show my passport pic to my child. It would traumatize them. ARGH!!!!!!!!!

Actual passport App: $60.00
USPS Fee for processing: $30.00
Half-warmed turd piccie that proves that someone takes worse pictures than the DMV: Priceless.

I hope MyMy appreciates the sacrifices I am already making for her. My modeling career is down the tubes already.

THE BACK STORY

March through July, 2007

I should have been documenting this from a while back, but at first, it was only a dream. At this point in the story it is a much bigger reality. A little angel planted the seed that we really did have what it took to adopt. The money was the biggest draw back because all the research we had done indicated it would be approximately $30,000.00 or more. Huge obstacle. Then I remembered something I read when I was a young teenager. “Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.”

We had been trying to conceive for 4 years. We have been pregnant 3 times, all resulting in losses. Invitro Fertilization was recommended by now my third doctor. IVF is pretty expensive considering the statistics of success. On our long journey to become parents, we have learned new vocabulary words and terminology that we never wanted to know. We have become versed in statistics that include geriatric child bearing outcomes that distinguish between conception, pregnancy, and live births. For $6,000.00 we can use my eggs and have one attempt at being parents with a 20% chance of live birth. For $12,000.00 we can use family member’s eggs, but because of her age we would only be given a 35 – 40% chance of a live birth. For $15,000.00 we can use an anonymous donor in her 20’s and be given a 60% chance of a live birth. And for $30,000.00 ish we can be almost guaranteed to become parents.

We have one shot only at this. The way I see it is this: giving birth is 50/50. I will or I won’t and that is that. With only one chance to get it right, we decide that boarding a plane was a better deal than waiting on a stork that might never show up. And so begins our new life journey.

Many people over the last 4 years tossed out the adoption idea to us. We were never opposed to becoming parents in that way; we just didn’t think we could gather the money in time to not age out of the adoption programs. Currently, the option of countries that we have are small because of our age, but that is ok . . . . . we think we are right where we are supposed to be. That same angel that planted the adoption seed gave me a laminated magnet for my birthday with an important phrase. That is the phrase I have put in my header of this blog. So true. Hope is something we had been robbed of over the last 4 soul shredding years. However, I refuse to litter this new journey with the desperation of sentiment that has consumed me in the past. It is with an abundance of Hope and encouragement from a significant group of people that we look to Viet Nam to make our dreams come true. During one of my fertility visits to Chapel Hill the IVF coordinator listened through my painful cries about being so tired from all we had been through. Although I didn’t want to seem like I was a quitter, I didn’t think I could spend any more of my life and energy trying to birth a child that clearly wasn’t as into as we were. I shared with her the pearls of wisdom from an unlikely source (my Daddy) that “there comes a time when you have to stop trading one life for another.” I think she shed a tiny tear herself. Then I told her that we were considering adoption if we could make it happen financially and that Viet Nam was on our radar. She seemed thrilled but sensed some hesitation on my part. Since I had sent my husband to go get the car, I felt I could be honest about my only concern. I shared with her that my husband’s older brother was killed in Viet Nam in 1969. She said “I’ve spent time with both of you and I just don’t see your husband being the kind of man that would let that keep him from opening his heart to a child because of that war. In fact, it would probably be very healing on many levels. In Viet Nam, you lost someone that was very dear and now, Viet Nam gets to give you back someone to love just as much if not more. Don’t let that war stand in your way.” That woman has no idea what she gave to me in that conversation. I hope to take MyMy to visit her some day so she can see how she was an integral part of this journey.

Nancy, who has become a friend as well as my pedicurist is Vietnamese American. She is thrilled about what we want to do. She has been educating me on the country and the traditions and trying to teach me some of the language. So far . . . . . I can’t speak a word. I ask her to repeat simple words over and over and I just can’t get my tongue to make that shape. She told me it was a very hard language and that one word can be pronounced 9 different ways and mean 9 different things. I think I may be screwed! I told her I was scared I would offend people without meaning to and she assures me that the Vietnamese are more gracious than that and the worst they’d probably do is laugh at me for sounding ridiculous. Luckily, many of them speak English and LOVE Americans. I have been told by many people that when the Vietnamese people see a Caucasian couple with a Vietnamese baby, they come over to give good wishes and thank the couple for taking the child to America. Nancy told me that it is everyone’s dream to become an American and when I looked at her in amazement she said “You have no idea how lucky you are to live in this country do you? You take so much for granted like the freedom to walk into your home and feel safe and the ability to open a refrigerator or pantry and have food. If you get sick, you go to the doctor and get medicine without much thought. When your children get sick, they get medical care that is paid for by the government if you can’t afford it. You have the freedom to get in a car and go wherever you want, whenever you want and to make a salary in one year that most Vietnamese people won’t see in their entire family in a lifetime. That is why they dream about this country and how wonderful their lives would be if they were only able to get paid for how hard they already work. Most children are potty trained as soon as they learn to walk because they don’t know from diapers. Diapers are a luxury. Feeding your family is a blessing.”

It was impossible to not feel humbled in that moment. It has been impossible since to not feel grateful to have been lucky enough to be born on American soil. It used to be my wish to have a smart child who would do well in life. This has taught me that it is more important to have a loving child who might help change the world someday.

Many people have questioned us about why we have chosen to build our family in this way. That seems like a natural question and I hope this entry might answer that question on some level. Sure, there are many children that need homes in the United States and those children are more than deserving of those homes. Whether we adopt those children or not, they will still have opportunities as Americans at a life that children such as those orphaned in Viet Nam would never be able to conceive. Perhaps adopting through the foster care system will also be a part of our future in continuing to build our family. I can easily see that happening. But this is right for us right now for the right reasons. We would hope that any prejudices that people have will be something we are not asked to deal with. The truth is that we WON’T deal with those prejudices. Part of this new chapter in our lives includes surrounding ourselves and our child(ren) with loving, happy people. And really, it should be that way regardless. Luckily, the friends and family that we have are already enlightened, educated, loving and supportive. And yes . . . . we already have a name picked out. No . . . . I’m not ready to tell anyone other than the ones that I just couldn’t contain myself with! We do plan on giving our child an Anglo name but we will also have a Vietnamese name so they can choose for themselves what they wish to be called when they get old enough. Because the Vietnamese are steeped in culture and tradition, Nancy highly recommends we keep the Vietnamese name the child was given in their country. Well . . . . that sounds like a viable option, but we have to make sure we can pronounce it first!

More to follow!