Can we tawk?

I'm an '80's girl. You know . . . the era that was all about Aquanet and "self". Self-help specifically. This is where it became popular to "out" your family. To everyone! I support that entirely. It was through this process that my whacky little family all of a sudden became "par for the course". Not that it became functional mind you. Just normally bizarre, like everyone else's.

To recover from our individual experiences of being surrounded by each other's whackiness, we were all encouraged to air our feelings. I also support this entirely. It makes for good blogging material and some of the better syndicated TV shows. But what shall we call this invisible, yet overwhelming "thing" that we must talk about . . . . air . . . therapize . . . and transcend? It was called the "pink elephant in the living room." Most people and their subsequent personality dysfunctions didn't acknowledge this creature!

Imagine how inspired I was when perusing Wally World for speakers for my laptop (don't ask), I wandered into the baby section. It wasn't my fault, my cart had a few ball bearings missing from the wheel. And it was destiny. There . . . . . in aisle 28 was the symbol for a self-healthy household and sound child-rearing. A fuzzy pink elephant. While she is blissfully unaware of how whacky we are, I reckon MyMy can play with this as it does rattle. At such time that she learns that we are not the perfect parents we have perpetrated upon her, she can use this to call family meetings. When the pink elephant is in the room, we must tawk about it! And to think . . . . for $2.97, I could have had it made instead of buying 2 cars for my therapist over several years.

Welcome to the family Pinky TUSK-a-dero!!! Apologies to those of you too young to remember the series "Happy Days" with Fonzie!

My husband thinks I need a 12 step program for baby items . . .

And he could be right . . . naaa . . . let's not get carried away!

A big shoutout to Ba Jane . . . That is Grandma Jane for those of you who don't speak Vietnamese . . . . YET! She is saving things from her store for MyMy. Her closet is going to be ridiculous by the time she gets home. Just like mommy's!

These are a personal favorite! I wish they had some in my size!

Ain't this cute?





















This is 18 mos old, but perhaps it will be summer at some point when she fits into it.















This makes 5 pairs of "bloomers" she owns now!
























Cute and comfy.




















This is precious!














More cute stuff.





















Even more cute stuff














I wish the lighting was better on this, but it is adorable

This is cable knit, so she'll be fall ready too!

Could not resist this little jacket with the bunny pocket and the little pink sweater. Every girl should have one!

How much do you charge to change diapers?

My niece and nephews are the bee's knees. I adore every little hair on their witty bitty heads. Anyone who knows me knows that. So . . . . . Miss Bella just HAD to ride with me to dinner after watching her big brother play football. She is quite the little Chatty Cathy and is soon to be 6 years old in December. And like her Auntie . . . she knows EVERYTHING! I do find it quite comforting that I am not the only one in the world that does indeed know EVERYTHING!

So, we discussed how she is going to have a cousin someday. She has a first cousin now, but they rarely see each other. The concept is quite new to her. All she knows is that a baby is coming. And all she cares about is that she gets to help babysit. I told her that the baby wasn't from my "belly" although right now I could SURELY pass for 10 months pregnant. We then had a geography lesson that only a 6 year old could relate to. We talked about what she would look like and that her skin would be a little different in color and that her eyes would be slightly different and that she would probably have straight black hair when she gets older. All Bella wanted to know was if she could hold her.

You know what . . . . . if everyone that I have talked to about our MyMy had that response, the world would be blessed and it would be the way that God intended. Where did so many grown ups get so messed up? It took a 5 1/2 year old to give me new hope for people. I wish everyone saw adoption through her eyes. It is just a way to have more people to love. Which is what it is supposed to be.

Bella now wants to come stay with us when the baby gets here so she can help me. "Aunt Sharon . . . I can hold her while you work. I can feed her too and I'll even change her diapers too 'cause I know how. You'll have to pay me to change the diapers though, but I won't charge too much."

Thanks darlin! If I had a million bucks, it would be yours!

Forgot why I came on to post!

I got distracted by my post below. (Note to self: Don't read other blogs until you update your own.)

We got our dossier packet in Friday as I was headed to the surgeon's office to take Daddy in for a follow up visit. I would say "Yeah" but I wondered as I read through it and all the paper I must chase about my fair city, if anyone collapsed whilst in the midst of completing this task.

Where is my fainting smiley Jonsie?

OH . . . . Mommy also got to watch for the first time, staples being removed from human flesh over 30 times. Daddy only winced once. He elected to not get any more pain meds also.


I still need my fainting smiley!

But MyMy, our precious, Daddy doesn't want to tamper with the narcotic pain meds. Too many wonderful, loving people that we know have been taken hostage by the lure of those beastly things. We cannot afford to have anything stand in our path to get to you. And bless those dear people in our lives who are currently dealing with their own hell as a result of those things. Kitty Mom is praying for you! ((((HUGS))))

OH NO! This is me . . . being me!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I knew better. I did I did I did I did I did!!!!!!! And yet, I did it anyway!!!!!! Zeke . . . . . I couldn't walk away from the controversy! But I promise to try harder next time. I soooooooo didn't want my precious child's first webpage to be littered with negativity and controversy, but alas . . . .MyMy . . . . Your mama is a Mama Lion . . . . amongst other things. Those cyber friends of mine already know this. I started a tiny revolution that ended up being my own forum 4 years ago and it is still going. Perhaps I should invite some new adoptive parents there to have a refuge and not to litter their own sweet baby's blogs with doo doo. I'll think about that. At any rate . . . . Youse guys will not believe the HOT TOPIC that some are debating (read: judging/criticizing) in other PAPs (I hope I am using that right). Why do people choose to adopt girls instead of boys? EGADS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Apparently those heartless, thoughtless, idiotic creatures such as myself have bizzare motives for wanting girls. Certainly not motives based on logic, psychology, family birth order, and anything else that warrants considerable thought and foresight. I responded to someone else's defense of themselves as they are choosing to adopt a girl as well. I didn't want to carry on too badly in her blog so I shall post my comment to her in a post of my own. And then . . . . . I'm done with this ridiculousness and people who will never know me well enough to really even give a damn why we have made the choices we have and stand by them . . . . . and we did it all by ourselves just like much of the rest of the life we have lived for 42 and 48 years without the help or approval of nitwits!

My position on why we chose to adopt a female (my comment to another PAP of a female child):

Like I just posted in my own blog, I am new to the adoption blogging world, but I am an old pro at cyber wars with words. What have I learned? I don't play with ignorant people. Life is too short. If someone has an opinion that challenges the choices my husband and I have made about ANY part of how we grow our family, then I need to know what crystal ball they use to find themselves superior enough and enlightened enough to make those judgments. Just for the record . . . we made our choice based on VERY sound logic concerning birth order, parenting dilemas, my own past (very very very personal experiences), and the possibility that this is our FIRST adoption, not our final adoption. I do not owe anyone on this planet and certainly not any thick judgmental creature in cyber space a blow by blow account of the very personal details of how we came to choose to adopt a female child (from ANY country) first. This is me . . . being a mother .. . . saying to those nitwits . . . . . BACK THE HELL UP!

p.s. Thankfully, I haven't run across this debate first hand yet, but I am glad enough to have read your position and thanks for sharing it although I do find it very sad that anyone feels compelled to justify how or why the choose to become parents to ANY child. Good luck in your journey!

I know my "Toko Chicks" aren't shocked. Actually, I'm sure they are laughing their arses off at me. You all knew I wasn't going to avoid ALL the controversy didn't you?

OK . . . . I didn't mention . . .

Two pretty big deals. I wanted to keep this blog for Precious so that she will see all the people mommy was willing to beat up to get to her, but . . . . She also might want to know what we were dealing with as we sought to slay the dragons standing between us.

Daddy (MyMy's Daddy, that is) broke his knee cap. Almost in two. We didn't know it was broken but the home study was taking place in a few days so Daddy helped mommy clean the house with a broken knee cap. After it was xrayed, it wasn't pretty but we got him to the doc as soon as they had an appointment. Surgery was scheduled almost immediately. Mommy wasn't told how serious this was by Daddy, because he knows how Mommy gets. She makes him do horrible things like FOLLOW DOCTORS ORDERS and stuff like that. Now . . . Daddy is home, 1 week post op with two gnarly looking titanium screws holding his knee cap together. He cannot drive for 2 months as he has a brace. He cannot take the brace off to shower, etc. Mommy is getting a lot of practice giving baths, preparing meals and being a chauffer. See . . .. Daddy IS helping us get ready for you in his own way!

The other thing is Linda (my stepmom) called Tuesday night. I had a gut feeling it wasn't good. And it wasn't. Long story short . . . My Daddy was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. He had been having trouble breathing and FINALLY told someone. This is not ok. I am not ok with this. And I am serious. My daddy is my hero . . . . I want him to be there when we get home with MyMy. Linda promised that she will make him follow doctors orders. He has to lose weight; he is getting meds changed; he is having a sleep study and I am convinced that he has sleep apnea which is exacerbating EVERYTHING else. I told her I wanted him on a C-Pap machine ASAP. She promised she would make him use it because I know that is what the sleep study will find. I just can't lose my Daddy right now. Daddy . . . . if you are reading this . . . . .FOLLOW DOCTORS ORDERS OR ELSE I'M COMING TO LIVE WITH YOU! And that wouldn't be pretty! Remember what a PITA I was as a child? I'm bigger and worse now!

Take care of yourselves Daddys . . . both of you . . . we love you!

Tolerable . . . . remind me I said that.

Just because I'm a newbie to adoption doesn't mean I'm green to waiting and the need for patience and frustration and disappointment to things out of my control. Although I'm sure there are people that choose adoption without ever having dealt with infertility, I don't think they are in the majority . . . . and who cares why anyone chooses adoption anyway? I certainly couldn't give a turd. In fact, however you choose to have a family is really none of my business (read: I won't debate the ridiculousness of that topic). So, having said all that, I have been reading a lot on the 'net . . . . .something I promised my dear friend in Wiltshire that I wouldn't do. Actually, I promised I stay off the adoption forums. It took about 15 minutes of perusal for some idgit to piss me right off. I never bothered to register and post. At any rate, I am used to cyber crap of all sorts . . . but I have been shocked at some of the things I've read. No need to single anyone out. I don't know these people and do not know what their motivation is. I'm sure they have had hardships that I am clueless about and they are entitled to feel what they feel and write what they will. Now . . . having said that . . . . I know if I were to write about my lack of patience this early in the process, I will be smeared by bloggers or PAPs (I've not gotten the secret codes to all these, but perhaps someone will enlighten me soon) who wish to regale me with their tales of frustration, being jerked around, etc. Bless all of you that has happened to. I'm sure I'll get in line to experience that as well. But please, please, please . . . . allow me this one estrogen surged rant . . .. . .

WHERE IS MY DAMN DOSSIER PACKET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok . . . . I feel better and I might be able to tolerate the waits. The only thing that makes this wait a little easier on the psyche is that I do get to mother a child at the end. . . . . . Mymy . . . . Mommy is pushing hard darlin (literally and figuratively) . . . .this may be one of the longest labors on record on my website!

Ok . . . have to run now and go harass the mortgage broker. And I did forget to thank the feds for the 1/2 percent interest rate reduction! SWEET! My Mutual Funds SOARED yesterday! WOOHOOO!

"Answers to these and many other questions, after this brief message from our sponsors"

If I had a dollar for every time I answered these or similar questions, I'd have enough money to pay for much of our expenses to get MyMy home. Notice the wording in the aforegoing sentence. It is like that for a reason. Keep reading.

Question 1A. Why aren't you adopting an American baby? (translation: Why aren't you adopting a WHITE baby?)

There are plenty of people standing in line to adopt these precious children and I would more than likely be waiting at least 2 years. Meanwhile, if that adoption fell through, my husband and I would be aged out of many programs internationally. This is a risk we are not willing to take when beautiful children are waiting now for people like us to love them. I hope those sweet, precious babies that happen to be white are not being adopted by small minded bigots who will breed more people like the ones that want to know why I'm not adopting a white baby.

Question 1B. Why aren't you adopting an American baby? (translation: "Deys plenty a kids in America that need good homes!)

YES! There are! Those precious children deserve loving homes. For the people that have asked me this question from a sincere perspective because they really wanted to know rather than hiding their judgment behind a question, your answer can be partially found in 1A. For those more judgmental creatures, instead of posing your Bitchy McSnipe question to me, why don't you put your heart where your mouth is and open your own home to these beautiful children. I'd even write you a great referral letter after you have completed Sensitivity Training.

Question 1C. Why aren't you adopting an NC baby? (translation: Deys plenty a kids in your backyard that need good homes where their "real" parents can't take care of them!")

AGREED!!!!! How beautiful it would be if "real parents" who were unable and/or unrehabilitatable to provide the very best care for their children would place them into the loving arms of us "fake parents". But most of these "real" parents won't relinquish their "rights" (I say that word through gritted teeth). They want to remain in a hot ghetto mess and still maintain their "right" to ruin a child's life while they try to figure out if they should choose a healthy family lifestyle or continue indulging their impulses, whatever they may be. And the state spends a great deal of resources to reunite. That is great in theory. One that I could support if the evidence that it was effective wasn't so scarce. Meanwhile, the children grow older in a temporary home, while the "real parents" get their shit together. Hmmmm . . . . . . Perhaps they should have to go through the same rigorous scrutiny that my husband and I have gone through while trying to adopt. What a concept. I'll shut up about this now. I think it is clear where I'm going with the answer to these assclowns who ask questions like this. Can you tell this whole topic pisses me off?

Question 2. Why are you paying for a child when you can get one free from the state?

If you have made it through the answers 1A-C, do you really need me to answer this?

Question 3. Why do you want a girl?

Why not?

Question 4. Will you help your child find their real mother?

Yes, that is what I am trying to do in the adoption process. I am the REAL DEAL . . . . I just need to get introduced to my REAL CHILD. And then, she will finally be in the arms of her REAL MOTHER.

Question 5. If you don't know the family of origin, how can you guarantee a healthy child?

See, that is the neat thing about other countries. They don't have the resources to completely destroy their bodies at the rate that some of us Americans do. Ergo, like the Vietnamese people, they live much of their lives eating what they grow. This natural lifestyle lends itself to healthier people. Healthier people have a tendency to nurture healthier babies in utero. The other thing is that unlike Americans, few Vietnamese people can afford healthcare like we can. Ergo, even if we knew the family of origin, it is unlikely there would be any medical information to pass on. My friend Nancy, who is Vietnamese, said that pregnant women don't really have pre-natal care because they just don't have the resources that we do, but they also don't have the issues that we have. Regardless, whatever issues that may arise, my husband and I are prepared to deal with them as a family. The same way we would if I gave birth . . . . which doesn't have any guarantees either based on what I have seen with many friends and family.

Question 6. Why does it cost so much money to adopt a child from another country if they have so many that need good homes?

The same reason it costs so much money to have a child in this country. There are people that provide services for the care of pregnant women and children and those people will be paid. They deserve to be paid. They do important work. Just because you can present an insurance card in this country and not think about the total cost of doctor visits and hospitalization or other expenses doesn't mean they don't exist. Someone is paying for the care of birthmother and child. With international adoption, most insurances (do any really?) do not pay for those expenses. So we have to. I am not paying for a child. I am paying for the services that many people provide for the care and wellbeing of my child until I am granted parental rights. I am paying for the services of organizations to make sure all the steps taken to unite my child and me are ethical. I am paying for the services of the organizations to continue to provide this sort of care for other children until they are placed with their forever families . . . . . because it is ok with me to think about people that are outside my peripheral vision. It is called humanity. It is a concept we will be passing onto our child and it starts with us.

BTW, do you work for free? If so, I am in need of plenty of services if you care to start practicing your altruistic tendencies on someone. Just let me know!

Question 7. Aren't you and your husband too old to be thinking about a young child?

According to Neale Donald Walsch in one of his Conversations with God books, people under 40 should HAVE the children, but people over 40 are best equipped to raise them. I didn't say it . . . . I'm just repeating it! I think the idea behind this was that the older we get, in general, the wiser we get. This is certainly true for my husband and myself. While we may grunt and moan with minor aches and pains, we will cheerfully (remind me I said that!) get out of bed at 3am to put the binkie back in her mouth and sing off key until she floats back into "seepy night night" time.

Question 8. Why would you even consider tampering with the equity in your home or your retirement to adopt? Why don't you just wait and save the rest of the money since you have already saved over half so far?

After 4 years of infertility resulting in 3 pregnancy losses, I think we have waited quite long enough, thanks for asking. And if you aren't wise enough to ask the question "What is money REALLY worth?" then you couldn't understand my answer anyway. What is so great about having a big fat house or a big fat retirement account if we spend the next 20 years feeling robbed of the gift of parenthood? For those that have never struggled to be parents or do not enjoy your tenure as a parent, you won't get my answer either. Money only means something when you use it to invest in your spirit. My spirit didn't calm down until we wrote the first check on our adoption journey. Besides . . . . since we are over 40 and wise (see answer above), we know how to avoid those money traps that so many people stumble into. We'll be fine . . . . and if not, WalMart can always use more greeters!

P.S. If you are really THAT worried, we are accepting giftcards to our local credit union! *wink, wink*

Question 9. Why adopt a child if you are going back to work eventually?

It is called daycare or a nanny. Families all over the country place their children in the care of nurturing people every day while they earn a living to provide opportunities that they might not otherwise be able to provide. That doesn't make me a bad mom any more than it makes you a bad person for asking such a guilt-ladden, assinine question as that. I have seen children thrive in SAH situations and in working parent situations. I have also seen them flounder in both. I think it has more to do with the parents ultimately. BTW, how are YOUR children doing?

Question 10. Do you think you could love an adopted child like you would your own child . . . . I mean, really?

Are you kidding me? At this point, if you are thick enough to ask someone like me a question like this, then the best you can hope to get is me, looking back at you with my head tilted a la the RCA Dog, going "Huh?" The next thing you will see is the back of me arse . . . . which is not very attractive I might add.

Then you will promptly be removed from my Outlook contacts and my Christmas party invitee list. FOREVER! And no . . . .I don't understand what you were trying to say . . . . . really. And I don't think me dropping several IQ points to try and understand you would help either of us. Just GO AWAY! Buh Bye!

These are kinda like my version of D. Letterman's Top Ten. Now that I have these documented, I can't wait to see what else people come up with. For their sakes, I do hope it is not while I'm having my monthly estrogen surge.

A toilet paper roll later . . . .

Well . . . . where do I start?


I thought this home visit was going to be skating downhill. It should have been. Sarah is lovely. I felt so comfortable answering all kinds of questions about my "Movie of the Week" childhood. And Daddy felt comfortable sharing about his "Father Knows Best" childhood.


Sarah was at our home for over 4 hours.


I have been through therapy (and VN is ok with that CHINA!) with no drugs, just therapy. My therapist is "old school". We dug in hard and covered a lot of territory during our tenure together. I also shared another part of our lives with Sarah that I was told by several people to lie about. I didn't feel that I could do that. There was really no way they could have "discovered" this info, but I felt that being the type of people we are, omission of this nature was tantamount to lying. I want to be able to tell my child that honesty is the best policy and MEAN it, although I completely respect and understand why we were advised to lie/withhold information. From our perspectives, this "thing" about us has been the thing that carved out the wonderful people that Sarah originally met. It is the thing that has pushed us both, spiritually, emotionally, and physically to being far superior to what we could have been. It is something that separates us from many people . . . . . but in an awesome way. I am not ready to disclose what this "thing" is as I am not controlling who reads this blog, but my friends and family know what it is and they all agree . . . . . it is the thing that makes us the most groovalicious peeps that we are. And we are not ashamed of it. And we won't hide it as if we are . . . . . I just feel the need for privacy for this blog's sake. At any rate, the reason I mention that is because it is this thing that is personal that we felt might stand in our way of adoption, if in fact, we were adopting through a closed-minded, uneducated, Neanderthalic agency or country. As we disclosed to Sarah the "thing", she had this look on her face that said . . . .. "Never in a million years would I have guessed that." After all was said and done I asked the question . . . . . ."What does this do to you almost being certain that we were approved before?" Her response: "You two are awesome people . . . . I am 99.99% sure it won't be a problem." My response: "Sarah, 1 week ago, you thought we were the most awesome couple you had met with to date. Think about all the reasons you felt that way to begin with. All of those reasons that we are awesome are a direct result of my husband and I rising from the ashes almost 19 years ago for me and 16 years ago for him as individuals and over the last 13 years, together. All of those reasons are a direct result of our ascent to a more profound existence because of our past setbacks. We both know how to transcend the hard stuff. We are both focused, powerful people. I trusted you enough to give you 100% of the truth when I didn't have to. I need 100% back from you that this will be ok.

Her response: "It is 100% going to be fine. And to put your mind at ease, I'll go over this with my boss and the director to ensure to you that it will be fine."

Turns out, that we DID choose the right agency and the right country. *exhale*

I got a call from Sarah letting me know she ran everything by everyone and they LOVE us! She said that would disclose the information in the homestudy and to Viet Nam and I still had no reason to worry. *whew*

Did I say how much we loved Sarah yet?

Now, in the process of "studying" us, Sarah asked us some questions that dug deep into areas that we were both expecting, but we were not expecting me to blubber like a baby lost in the toy section at WalMart! Hence the title of this post.

What was the most challenging thing you dealt with as a child? Hmm . . . . .there are so many to choose from. Sarah interjected that perhaps was it my parent's divorce? No . . . . . I was as happy as a little pig in shit when that happened. Those two did NOT blend well! And they drove me crazy in the process. No, no . . . . that wasn't it. AH! By far the most challenging was losing my precious, sweet, kind, loving grandmother. It was like losing a mother to me. It was like losing God to me. And dare I say, it was a huge catalyst for the "thing" that I won't go into discussed above. Oh dear lord . . . . . I loved that woman. Still do. She is the reason I'm not dead or in jail today. She was my saving grace. I hope to be half the mother that she was to me. Now . . . . that is not a new thing . . . .. you know . . . . for me to weep over losing her. Even if it was 31 years ago. And I won't stop weeping in 31 more years either! But here is the thing that sent me over the edge. Sarah wanted to know how I coped with that. HA! Through all my therapy and self examination and spiritual guidance from awesome gurus . . . . . I don't think I ever looked at that part. Let's see . . . . how did I cope? I was silenced for about 3 minutes b/c I had no idea. For those that know me, that is one "Amen" short of a miracle. Then I recounted the events . . . . seeing her in her coffin (not sure that was a good idea), looking around at all the adults in the room crying. Wondering why no one was trying to wake grandma up. I saw her hand move . . . . .I swear! Someone help me wake her up. Then nothing. I remember feeling so very alone and betrayed although I'm not sure by whom exactly. It was later that day that I realized my concept of God was forever changed. How could a God that was so good, like grandma tried to tell me all those years, take away the ONE person on this planet that I was POSITIVE that loved me? Nope . . . . . God was officially on my doo doo list. Though, I dared not ever admit it outloud for fear of really going to hell. Little did I know at that time that hell doesn't have a zip code, but it most assuredly has a "population" sign. And my grandma wasn't among those. So . . . . . how did I cope? I remember looking around and seeing my cousins and they had just lost the same thing that I did. But my cousin James recognized what the adults couldn't. He took it upon himself to try to distract me and when that didn't work, he sat down and told me how it was going to be ok and that grandma was with God now. Well . . . . I wanted to go to. He told me they needed me here and that my family would be sad if I left. Then his sisters showed up and we all got distracted together. I loved James . . . . he was always like the big brother I never had. He always looked out for me and no one realized how much. I guess I didn't even realize how much until Sarah asked that question. She wanted to know if he and I were still close. *EXPLOSION* "We are close in spirit . . . . . he died last Thanksgiving. About a month before my other grandma died."

Pause for about 5 minutes to get control of the crying suck-backs.

I look over and realize my husband is crying too. He loved James as well.

Pause for another minute as Sarah almost looked on the verge of tears.

A few more suck-backs, some poor attempts at humour.

OK! What other questions do you have Sarah? I think the poor dear was almost afraid to ask me anything else, but she put on her wading boots and proceeded.

In the end, I was more than just a home visit. I really wanted to hug Sarah as she was leaving, but didn't want to cross a professional boundary. I hugged her in spirit and once my child is home, we are all three going to go give her the biggest hug ever.

Pass the hankey again!

Watercooler Progress! I LOVE my law firm!

So . . . . . while dishing at a coworker's area about all kinds of fun gossip, up walks a very sweet paralegal to join in the reindeer games. Guess what? Both of the ladies I am talking to are best buds with the assistant to a Congressman here in NC. Guess what the assistant's focus is? IMMIGRATION!!!! So, after much gushing about my little tot that doesn't even exist yet, she said she would "inquire" about why it takes so long and see if any nudging might help. Now . . . . I feel confident that even if the Congressman did make some phone calls, it won't help me much, but if it somehow helps those coming behind me, then groovy!

Here is the email that my friend sent. I thought it was precious!

Someone in our office is in the process of adopting a baby girl from Viet Nam. She sent the I600A to the USCIS office on 25 July and is waiting for the 171H approval.

NC is the slowest state in the nation in completing approvals. (Charlotte, NC) The current wait is about 5 mos.

Can your office do anything to rush this process?

NOTE: She needs to get her child b/f the summer is over b/c she has already bought summer outfits for her. :-) Let me know. THANKS!

A HUGE leap of faith . . .

I visited with my mother today. She owns a baby resale shop. For over four years I have watched people select items from her store. I couldn't dare take that risk . . . . and I'm glad I never did. This time, however, it feels different. I'm putting my faith in this process to the test. Based on best guesstimates only, there is a slight possibility we could travel by April or May 2008. It very well could be more like July or August, possibly even later if something unusual is going on in Viet Nam. What the hell . . . . I made some selections today. Worst case scenario is that they won't be in season or she will be too big for them. All of the things below are 6-9 mos. Mother assures me that she will replace them for the size and season that is most appropriate when my MyMy gets home. So, check out the beginnings of her new wardrobe . . . . .

I LOVE these little summer dresses.

These are adorable too!
Auntie picked found these two items. I hope she is here by July 4 so she can wear the red short set!
This is sooooo soft . . . .I wish they had it in my size!

Now this is 18 mos so it will probably be too big for her in her first Fall/Winter season, but hopefully by her next Fall/Winter it will be perfect! Too cute!

Oh! One more thing . . .

Our final home visit is schedule for Tuesday, September 11. We have been told that we can already start with our application for the placing agency. The significance of that is when we pay the placing agency fee, we get our packet to begin work on our dossier that will be translated into Vietnamese and represent us to the Ministry of Justice in Viet Nam. More to follow on that as I get information.

I think I need to exhale again. . . .

We were Rock Stars!

Sarah arrived 20 minutes early for our home study. That's quite alright! I was ready. Daddy is always ready. The kitties were ready.

Sarah is our social worker assigned to assess our fitness and readiness to adopt a child from another country. Her role in our entire future didn't hit me until after she left. Perhaps that is because she completely put me at ease with her professionalism and humanity. Daddy never gets nervous.

We had decided that we were answering every question with complete honesty as we having nothing to hide. We live our lives as open books and are very open people. I think Sarah definitely sensed that in us. We had a very natural dialogue and covered many positive aspects f our nature, some sad times, and some challenges. The experience was completely opposite of my anticipated terror. We WANTED Sarah to know who we were and what we were about. We wanted her to give us a vote of confidence that we did indeed have what it took to be great parents.

Her feedback to us stunned me. She said that we were two of the most amazing people she had worked with since she had been doing home studies. She said that our documentation submission was organized and complete before the home visits even took place and that didn't happen as often as we thought. She said our finances were perfect and she could very easily trace our reported income to our bank statements and our bank statements to our reported expenses. She commented on our "lovely home" and "affectionate kitties" (HA! If she only knew what I just went though!). The most complimentary thing she said to us however, was that we articulated our thoughts and ideas about who we were, how we related to each other, and how we planned to nuture our child with incredible insight and focus. She said she had never seen anyone with a more well researched, concrete parenting plan. A minimum of two home visits are required at least 7 days apart for the home study. While we covered most everything, she wanted to leave something for us to talk about next time. She plans to go over our relationship and finances more and she was going to do the actual home inspection on visit two, but I asked her to go ahead to do the inspection now because Daddy was just chomping at the bit to have some chaos at least in the laundry room! She did her walk through and on the way out, I told her that I knew that she couldn't tell me "officially" but I had heard from several places that the first home visit was critical in determining whether you will be approved or not. I asked her if that was true and she said that she usually could make a determination after visit one. I asked her if we had good reason to go ahead and celebrate. She smiled and winked at me and said "Oh . . . . I think you already know the answer to that."

And then I exhaled . . . . . .

In "trying to conceive world" the letters BFP stand for Big Fat Positive . . . as in a positive pregnancy test. Now it stands for Big Fat Positive . . . . as in a positive outcome for being approved for our adoption in our home study process.

I do believe we are going to have a baby.

Did anyone ever die preparing for a home study?

Yeah for holidays . . . . . if not for the extra day, I would have had a nuclear meltdown trying to get ready for the home study. We were told by another adoption agency that if our home is "too clean" that is a red flag that we might not be ready for children. HA! Not to worry . . . . . My dear cousin Angela's parting words in a recent email were "Get busy cleaning that house!" She knows what is is like to live in the wake of She, known as Toko. My response was "I never feel my house is 'Toko Clean'". I know she knows EXACTLY what I mean. My 90 year old grandmother would scale a folding stool to wipe down her paneling at least monthly. She didn't know from dust. I am not sure I recall a dirty dish in her sink that remained dirty for longer than 30 minutes. If she were still alive, she would probably say 15 minutes. I inherited the desire for a spotless house, just not the drive. Hence, the need for an extended weekend to prepare for an inspection of our home, our emotional stability and our souls. I was more worried about our home! My little mutt kitty Phoebe it appears got pissed at us. Specifically at Bunny . . . .. my grandmother's cat. She took issue with us bringing furniture in the home that had the scent of another (unapproved) feline. Instead of sitting us down to discuss her displeasure, she acted out. Over $150.00 of designer throw pillows were tossed in the dump. Our formal living room chairs must be replaced. An expensive, but faux Ficus tree was hauled off. Why do you ask? Phoebe found it necessary to "mark" her territory. I have had cats for a gozillion years. I never knew that girl kitties did that. I found out the hard way. The things she didn't mark, she and CoCo LeTrixiebelle shredded . . . with their claws . . . the ones that I have been feeling guilty about thinking about having declawed. This weekend, I could have flushed both of them down the toilet and saved all of us the expense and pain of laser surgery. Suffice it to say, the chairs will have to remain shredded until we have our adoption fund money. Luckily, the Terrorist Twosome had pity and only shredded the back of my formal chairs.

The remainder of the house that was unshredded was spotless. We are ready and far too exhausted to be nervous. This is good. Here we go .. . . . . . .