"Answers to these and many other questions, after this brief message from our sponsors"

If I had a dollar for every time I answered these or similar questions, I'd have enough money to pay for much of our expenses to get MyMy home. Notice the wording in the aforegoing sentence. It is like that for a reason. Keep reading.

Question 1A. Why aren't you adopting an American baby? (translation: Why aren't you adopting a WHITE baby?)

There are plenty of people standing in line to adopt these precious children and I would more than likely be waiting at least 2 years. Meanwhile, if that adoption fell through, my husband and I would be aged out of many programs internationally. This is a risk we are not willing to take when beautiful children are waiting now for people like us to love them. I hope those sweet, precious babies that happen to be white are not being adopted by small minded bigots who will breed more people like the ones that want to know why I'm not adopting a white baby.

Question 1B. Why aren't you adopting an American baby? (translation: "Deys plenty a kids in America that need good homes!)

YES! There are! Those precious children deserve loving homes. For the people that have asked me this question from a sincere perspective because they really wanted to know rather than hiding their judgment behind a question, your answer can be partially found in 1A. For those more judgmental creatures, instead of posing your Bitchy McSnipe question to me, why don't you put your heart where your mouth is and open your own home to these beautiful children. I'd even write you a great referral letter after you have completed Sensitivity Training.

Question 1C. Why aren't you adopting an NC baby? (translation: Deys plenty a kids in your backyard that need good homes where their "real" parents can't take care of them!")

AGREED!!!!! How beautiful it would be if "real parents" who were unable and/or unrehabilitatable to provide the very best care for their children would place them into the loving arms of us "fake parents". But most of these "real" parents won't relinquish their "rights" (I say that word through gritted teeth). They want to remain in a hot ghetto mess and still maintain their "right" to ruin a child's life while they try to figure out if they should choose a healthy family lifestyle or continue indulging their impulses, whatever they may be. And the state spends a great deal of resources to reunite. That is great in theory. One that I could support if the evidence that it was effective wasn't so scarce. Meanwhile, the children grow older in a temporary home, while the "real parents" get their shit together. Hmmmm . . . . . . Perhaps they should have to go through the same rigorous scrutiny that my husband and I have gone through while trying to adopt. What a concept. I'll shut up about this now. I think it is clear where I'm going with the answer to these assclowns who ask questions like this. Can you tell this whole topic pisses me off?

Question 2. Why are you paying for a child when you can get one free from the state?

If you have made it through the answers 1A-C, do you really need me to answer this?

Question 3. Why do you want a girl?

Why not?

Question 4. Will you help your child find their real mother?

Yes, that is what I am trying to do in the adoption process. I am the REAL DEAL . . . . I just need to get introduced to my REAL CHILD. And then, she will finally be in the arms of her REAL MOTHER.

Question 5. If you don't know the family of origin, how can you guarantee a healthy child?

See, that is the neat thing about other countries. They don't have the resources to completely destroy their bodies at the rate that some of us Americans do. Ergo, like the Vietnamese people, they live much of their lives eating what they grow. This natural lifestyle lends itself to healthier people. Healthier people have a tendency to nurture healthier babies in utero. The other thing is that unlike Americans, few Vietnamese people can afford healthcare like we can. Ergo, even if we knew the family of origin, it is unlikely there would be any medical information to pass on. My friend Nancy, who is Vietnamese, said that pregnant women don't really have pre-natal care because they just don't have the resources that we do, but they also don't have the issues that we have. Regardless, whatever issues that may arise, my husband and I are prepared to deal with them as a family. The same way we would if I gave birth . . . . which doesn't have any guarantees either based on what I have seen with many friends and family.

Question 6. Why does it cost so much money to adopt a child from another country if they have so many that need good homes?

The same reason it costs so much money to have a child in this country. There are people that provide services for the care of pregnant women and children and those people will be paid. They deserve to be paid. They do important work. Just because you can present an insurance card in this country and not think about the total cost of doctor visits and hospitalization or other expenses doesn't mean they don't exist. Someone is paying for the care of birthmother and child. With international adoption, most insurances (do any really?) do not pay for those expenses. So we have to. I am not paying for a child. I am paying for the services that many people provide for the care and wellbeing of my child until I am granted parental rights. I am paying for the services of organizations to make sure all the steps taken to unite my child and me are ethical. I am paying for the services of the organizations to continue to provide this sort of care for other children until they are placed with their forever families . . . . . because it is ok with me to think about people that are outside my peripheral vision. It is called humanity. It is a concept we will be passing onto our child and it starts with us.

BTW, do you work for free? If so, I am in need of plenty of services if you care to start practicing your altruistic tendencies on someone. Just let me know!

Question 7. Aren't you and your husband too old to be thinking about a young child?

According to Neale Donald Walsch in one of his Conversations with God books, people under 40 should HAVE the children, but people over 40 are best equipped to raise them. I didn't say it . . . . I'm just repeating it! I think the idea behind this was that the older we get, in general, the wiser we get. This is certainly true for my husband and myself. While we may grunt and moan with minor aches and pains, we will cheerfully (remind me I said that!) get out of bed at 3am to put the binkie back in her mouth and sing off key until she floats back into "seepy night night" time.

Question 8. Why would you even consider tampering with the equity in your home or your retirement to adopt? Why don't you just wait and save the rest of the money since you have already saved over half so far?

After 4 years of infertility resulting in 3 pregnancy losses, I think we have waited quite long enough, thanks for asking. And if you aren't wise enough to ask the question "What is money REALLY worth?" then you couldn't understand my answer anyway. What is so great about having a big fat house or a big fat retirement account if we spend the next 20 years feeling robbed of the gift of parenthood? For those that have never struggled to be parents or do not enjoy your tenure as a parent, you won't get my answer either. Money only means something when you use it to invest in your spirit. My spirit didn't calm down until we wrote the first check on our adoption journey. Besides . . . . since we are over 40 and wise (see answer above), we know how to avoid those money traps that so many people stumble into. We'll be fine . . . . and if not, WalMart can always use more greeters!

P.S. If you are really THAT worried, we are accepting giftcards to our local credit union! *wink, wink*

Question 9. Why adopt a child if you are going back to work eventually?

It is called daycare or a nanny. Families all over the country place their children in the care of nurturing people every day while they earn a living to provide opportunities that they might not otherwise be able to provide. That doesn't make me a bad mom any more than it makes you a bad person for asking such a guilt-ladden, assinine question as that. I have seen children thrive in SAH situations and in working parent situations. I have also seen them flounder in both. I think it has more to do with the parents ultimately. BTW, how are YOUR children doing?

Question 10. Do you think you could love an adopted child like you would your own child . . . . I mean, really?

Are you kidding me? At this point, if you are thick enough to ask someone like me a question like this, then the best you can hope to get is me, looking back at you with my head tilted a la the RCA Dog, going "Huh?" The next thing you will see is the back of me arse . . . . which is not very attractive I might add.

Then you will promptly be removed from my Outlook contacts and my Christmas party invitee list. FOREVER! And no . . . .I don't understand what you were trying to say . . . . . really. And I don't think me dropping several IQ points to try and understand you would help either of us. Just GO AWAY! Buh Bye!

These are kinda like my version of D. Letterman's Top Ten. Now that I have these documented, I can't wait to see what else people come up with. For their sakes, I do hope it is not while I'm having my monthly estrogen surge.