Oyyyyyyy!

If you happen to be interested or even if you found this by accident, the blog was moved to:

http://sharonchroniclesadoption.wordpress.com/

Moving on . . . . .

After deliberating over the turmoil in Viet Nam (which I can do nothing about aside from the discussions and letters written to the offices of my representatives) I have decided that the turmoil in the blogging community was something that was not necessary for me to participate in (which I CAN do something about). I have posted supportive comments to a couple of people even while I was on a self-imposed break only to find that I have been essentially shut out from their journey to their children and removed from their blogroll. Bless them anyway and c'est la vie. From the looks of things, there still seems to be a smattering of low drama still amuck. That is one club I don't mind being kicked out of, please and thank you.

I really don't much care what your opinions are about mine or anyone else's ASP (although no one has ever mentioned my ASP which is a good thing I reckon). I actually am not sure I even trust certain statements made by "OFFICIAL" websites after what I have been told by my Congressman's office. I just know that I have enough big deals to process in my life without the pettiness of people who create chaos that they in turn feel they have to manage for the rest of us. If you are not one of those people, I NEED your support and experience while on this journey myself and in turn, I would love to watch your dreams unfold with you as well. I want to re-enter the blogging world with the intention of what I started to begin with and that is exactly what I plan to do.

On that note, I did switch to a new blog because of the features available. Honestly, I think I like blogger best but I haven't used the new one enough to say emphatically so. If you are interested in having the blog link, I feel sure I am going to stick with the new one versus this format, so please email me if you want the new address. I have responded to everyone that emailed me when I first put this up, but then I stopped blogging altogether. If you have requested the link and I didn't respond, I apologize. Our lives have been turned upside down by some big events, not the least of which was my father's diagnosis and surgery for a malignancy in his kidney. The news just got worse this week as we found out that it has indeed spread to his liver so I have been quite preoccupied. That said, I'd be happy to send the link to anyone who requests it; just email me at sharon at tokobobo dot com. Thanks!

STOP RIGHT THERE!!!!!!!

I am in the process of making a change. If you would like to know the link to the new blog, please email me. I may post the link in the next day or so, but until I work out some kinks, just email me if you want the new link.
My eml addy is : sharon at tokobobo dot com


Stay tuned . . . . .

State of the Union Address . . . .

MyMy, yo Mama is a hot mess.

In my infertility support group meeting last night I walked in upset at the state of VN adoptions and in the 2+ hour course of the meeting I got ok, then freaked out again, then ok again, then back, then I left ok. This, of course, is even now that I am officially out my estrogen surge part of the month people!!!!!!



I couldn't get a solid read from the group on whether I should return my baby bedding or if that was possibly in my Top Ten Stoopid Financial Moves. Perhaps it is in my Top Five Stoopid Emotional Moves. Perhaps I shall be laughing out loud while I read all this to MyMy in a bed time story. DANG! I'm going nutz again. I just can't help it. I also had to come to terms with the fact that if . . . 'scuse me . . . . WHEN I bring my child home, someone is going to comment on how cute my GRANDAUGHTER is. OK OK OK . . . . One problem at a time.



I've decided I'm ok again. . . . . for the moment. I perhaps will hold off on the crib until I get a referral. Unless I lose it again and say "Damn, the torpedoes". That happens a lot these days. I shall blame it on hormones regardless. Chicks my age are entitled to do that, ya know.



Alas, however, I am not the most lost cause on the planet. Someone sent me wedding pics this morning. I think this chick and/or possibly her groom is far more lost and confused than I am at the moment.

Put your swatters away . . . . it is just my baby bedding.

OK, so . . . . Oh ye of little faith. I am putting my money where my mouth is. I am resisting my usual tendency to expect my house of cards to crumble. I am trying to out run my little cloud of negativity that is desperately trying to find me. I am putting on my "Happy Face" and just doing what I am told. Ergo . . . . I finally went big baby shopping tonight. How do you like MyMy's ensemble? There is another bedding set with the same fabric that has pom pomms. I liked that but I was a little scared she might pull the pom pomms off the bedding skirt and curtains and choke. I did order the mobile though. If she can reach the pom pomms when she stands, I'll cut them off.

So . . .. . what do you think?

. . . . And now I am done.

Many of my friends who are not adopting have no idea what has gotten my panties in a wad. To sum it up:

1. There are unethical adoption practices going on in Viet Nam right now. EGADS!!!!!! THAT has NEVER happened before . . . . not in ANY country!!! The hysteria calls for the program to be shut down. Mainly by people who are kissing their ETHICALLY adopted children goodnight every night. They would have everyone believe that their adoptions didn't fall prey to what they are assuming many other adoptions are falling prey to as we speak. Now, I am officially going on record (as if I have to) as stating that I absolutely want no part of an adoption that was rooted in extortion, coersion, baby-stealing or any other act that isn't humanitarian in nature. I am not so desperate to be a mother that I would want to rob another family of their right to raise their own child. My agency has been run through every conceivable check I could run them through and have passed mine and several other civic, humanitarian, and morally-minded people's litmus test as an ethical agency. They are even on the "Adoption Agencies I approve of" list of one of the more popular blogs. One of the blogs that seem to be respected by all the people calling for radical shut downs. I say this so that I am not accused of "defending" my agency; as I stated below, my agency doesn't need defending. So what is my problem and why am I putting a dog in this fight? People that I have grown fond of in this process are feeling as though their dreams of parenthood are going to be shattered and they have made horrific choices; their agencies aren't as perfect and ethical as the ONE AGENCY that keeps popping up on everyone's blog as ethical. I find it ironic that ONE agency keeps popping up time and time again as the GOLD STANDARD of ethics. Surely, proponents and subscribers of their service cannot seriously think theirs is the agency of choice among those most moral amongst us. Having said that, other people I have grown quite fond of use this agency as well. I find it rather easy to respect them and the choice they made while they went about building their family and I do not want anything I state here to sound contrary to that. I just wish that attitude could be adopted by others before they commence ripping PAP's to shreds without having sufficient information. And lest those of you doing the ripping think you have ALL the information, let me assure you, you do not. I don't proclaim to either which is why I can't place people under the Cyber Firing Squad.

2. Stop-gaps have been instituted to help remedy the adoptions that have taken place that are just starting to appear to officials as inappropriate, unethical, or illegal. I support this entirely. I am a proud American who supports any time my government takes steps to treat ALL people in a respectful and humanitarian fashion and seeks to eliminate corruption. I have also let them know that. I'm not sure if they care whether or not I support them, but it was important to me and my tax dollars paid for the phone they used to listen to me. I feel better already. Now, having stated that, I absolutely do not believe this "unethical, illegal activity" just started. I absolutely do not believe VN is the only country with these issues. I absolutely believe that as long as human nature is flawed, corrupt people will be corrupt and all of our best efforts can't stop them completely. I believe the US is doing the very best it can to continue to offer families who want (need) children the opportunity to be matched with children who NEED loving homes. I believe that their continued willingness to do this with the country of Viet Nam will serve a far greater humanitarian effort than to simply "shut it down". That isn't a solution. How simple-minded for anyone to think so or to suggest such. I trust that our government with a co-op of adoption professionals, AP's, PAP's, country officials, etc. can do better than that and I think they are trying.

3. I work in a field that affords me access to Immigration officials that I didn't realize I had until last week. I found great comfort in having that access this week. I also found great comfort in learning that while problems have been identified, solutions have been identified also. Adoption/Immigration officials in ALL countries are on a regular cycle of looking to improve practices, as well they should be. These are children, after all, and they deserve all of our best efforts to protect them. After my discussion via telephone, I went back and reread the "official statement" provided. It was easier to read between the lines of what was being said through less panic-stricken eyes. Again, I support my government in their efforts to protect the innocent. I understand now, that protection is not to the exclusion of placing children in need with families who wish to love and care for them nor is that on the immediate horizon. This conversation was reiterated in several other phone conversations yesterday. Over and over again, all the important players in my adoption world are seemingly on the same page. That page seems to read that there are issues that are being addressed and agencies/provinces that need reform and there is a commitment to make that happen.

No one needs to run through the village torching anything.

4. I 1000% agree with Jenna on this post: http://babystoll.blogspot.com/2007/11/keep-on-keeping-on.html

5. I wrote out a rhetorical question to those that have their children home already. After careful consideration, I felt that not posting it at this time would be a wiser choice as my goal here is not to cause grief or pain to anyone. It is to help calm an unsettling batch of news in our worlds as of late. Reading the blogs of those whose children are home, has been a great source of joy for me in the past and gave me hope that I too, might someday get to be a mom. I am sorry to say that is no longer the case since a few of them feel the need to vilify others with shocking righteousness. I surely will miss seeing how their precious children are growing and learning and loving.

Now . . . I am going to get back to my brand of blogging and enjoying my adoption process with other people who wish to do the same. I meant what I said about discussing this over the phone if there are any takers. I won't allow you to litter my blog with puke and venom.

Yes, I have been under a rock. I think I'll go back now too.

How refreshing to logon after being "under a rock" for a couple of weeks and find some PAP's who are not willing to stand by and be nailed to a cross by some of the issues cropping up in VN concerning adoption. For those of you that do not know (family and friends of mine that were terrified this might not work out since it is an international adoption vs. domestic), VN is in turmoil right now. Rather, those of us poor PAP's who do not have our children home right now are in turmoil. There are people who ARE home (probably checking on their precious ones right now while they sleep) who are in turmoil because others aren't behaving like they proclaim they would be responding right now. Confused? Imagine how I felt after busying myself to prepare for my child's arrival and reading how VN may shut the program down at any minute because people are pushing babystealers to get them an embryo home and with the quickness barring all ethics, morality and legality. *trying to wipe the sarcasm off my lips*

I did decide to drop out of this drama after spending hours last night and well into the morning looking for Truth in all this "solid information" that we have been given. Truth, I'm afraid, appears to be elusive. Then after about my 38th toss and turn in my bed I decided that I need to make a post about what I have really taken away from all this drama and where my head is about it now. Since starting this journey, I have visited blogs that helped me keep my focus about why I was so hellbent on going to VN in the first place to bring my child home. I'm sorry to say that those places that used to bring me great comfort are now a tremendous source of disappointment, frustration and angst. I'm going to give more careful thought to what I will post, because I don't want my anger at how all this has played out to divert what I actually want to communicate. However, after I make that post and "join in the Reindeer games" I am going to bow out of it all. Rather than allow Bitchy McSnipe comments on my blog, I think I would rather offer up my phone number to those that wish to take me on so that it can be a more interactive show and we'll see how Soapboxy people are when they don't have a World Wide audience to perform for.

And just for the record, my agency has not been mentioned ONCE during all this scandal by VN officials, US officials or any other Adoptive bloggers. They have NEVER been issued a NOID and were doing humanitarian services in VN and several other countries LONG before they took the first dime to process a VN adoption. So don't mistake me for someone getting on a Soapbox to "protect" my agency. They do not need protection because they have nothing to hide. I however just wanted to have a little tiny bit of privacy about who we were using to respect the wishes of my husband who is not nearly as mouthy as I am.

I'll be back and I'm sure, despite my husband's suggestion to let this go, I'll post anyway. Then I'll figure out whether I need to cancel the order I was about to make for what is supposed to be a nursery.

AHEM! *Steps up to the mic*

A letter from the Department of Homeland Security.

NOTICE OF FAVORABLE DETERMINATION CONCERNING APPLICATION FOR ADVANCE PROCESSING OF ORPHAN PETITION


We have been "deemed fit by The United States Citizenship & Immigration Department to furnish proper care to an orphan or orphans as defined by Section 101(B)(1)(F) of the Immigration and Nationality Act. "


I didn't expect this for 2 more months. I am stunned it arrived this early. In NC, 3 mos. 2 wks and 1 day is FAST! I was just thinking on the way home how I haven't been freaking out about waiting on it and how weird it would be when it did finally show up in the mail.

The gubment says we can be a mommy and a daddy!!!!

'Scuse me . . . I'm off for tissues . . ..

Get a Cup O' Joe . . . . this is a long one.

I know how the Gub’ment works . . . I’ve seen them in action. MANY times. When they threaten you with a big fat DENIED across ANYTHING you need from them, they mean it! I think they get bonuses based on how many things they can deny. So . . . . cut to Camera 1: Saturday, October 20, 2007. We are off to Charlotte to USCIS-Land. We are to be fingerprinted by the Feds. Yeah. With much anxiety, I recall my letter of appointment for these fingerprints. They are clear. VERY clear. If you cannot make this appointment, you must reschedule AHEAD of time. If you do not reschedule via email AHEAD of time and you do not appear, your I600A will automatically be denied. If you do not show up at your designated appointed time, your I600A will be denied. I know people who have worked with USCIS on other issues and they assure me that this is no joke. I believe them. It took me almost 3 months just to get a stupid appointment with them after they received my I600A. According to their processing times and notice in my letter, it will probably take them another 3 months to make a determination. Fine.

From my house to Charlotte is approximately a 3 hour drive. Our appointment is at 3pm. Not a problem. But oops! Our agency has scheduled a seminar titled “First Months Home” led by a panel of parents who are in various stages of the “being at home” phase. More about this later. That class was from10am to noon. I let the agency know that we might pull out a little early but we will still have plenty of time because the class is in Chapel Hill which is only a little over 2 hours from Charlotte. I figure if we left by 11:30 like I planned, we would have a 1.5 hour comfort zone in case the flying monkeys (think Wizard of Oz and the witch) were turned loose on the Interstate. For those of you lucky souls who have never had to travel between Greensboro and Charlotte on I85, you won’t understand the flying monkeys. And you won’t understand why I needed a 1.5 hour comfort zone. For those of you that HAVE made that trek, you already know what is coming.

Well, we didn’t leave the class when I wanted but were on the road at noon after cutting out a tiny bit early. That’s ok . . . an hour is plenty of time since everything else has gone so well in this adoption process so far (note to self: IT’S A TRAP!). I decided I could stop being Paranoid Patty. We zoom along on our journey until we both are hungry at the same time (this RARELY happens!). Daddy thinks it would be a good idea to sit down and eat inside Wendy’s rather than eating on the road. Hmm. . . . my gut check says no, but my brain is feeling pretty smart so I agree that we have plenty of time still. Leaving Wendy’s we have 30 minutes of comfort zone time and this is a little too close for comfort for me. Not to worry . . . no flying monkeys yet.

*SCREACHING TO A HALT* A few miles from Spencer North Carolina, my worst fears come to fruition. Traffic is at a dead stop. NOOOOOOO, not on I85! The entire interstate is stalled. This is not good. Not good at all. And no, we do not have GPS. Traffic starts to inch. Perhaps it was a wreck that they are clearing as we speak. No need to panic, but what the hell. I panic anyway because I’m long overdue for a demonic possession. Traffic is running at 8mph. I panic more. I start to cry. Daddy is getting noticeably uncomfortable. Good . . . now we match. I start leering at him. It is all his fault. I can’t blame the poor people who had the wreck. That would be rude. But wait . . . traffic is being detoured. WE ARE SAVED! But wait . . . it is through the tiny town of Spencer with stop lights at every other block. The speed limit is 35mph, thanks for the warning, but given that the entire interstate is being routed through this tiny town, we are not moving AGAIN! I start beating the steering wheel. The profanity is getting worse. I’m pretty sure I even growled a few times at the stupid other drivers that were in between me and becoming a mom. I think I scared a few. Turns out, I reckon I became their flying monkey! Daddy has enough of dealing with me and gets in the back of the truck. How stupid was that!? If by some act of God we start moving, then I have this dude in a leg brace (he just had knee surgery, more about that later) in the bed of a truck going 80mph down the interstate. Now he is really on my doo doo list. I screech louder. I purposefully keep hitting the brake to signify how unhappy I am with him. He gets the message. He orders me out of the driver’s side. I vomit some choice words at him and get in the passenger’s side because as luck would have it, cars started to move. Not sure if they were trying to get away from us or not. Suffice it to say, we won’t be including that on our “family videos” to Viet Nam. In defense of me (and God knows I need one) I was dealing with emotions and illogical thought processes that were the root of my behavior and reactions. More about those later. Daddy takes charge. He flies by about 15 or so cars and cuts in front of an Semi that was not turning at the green light for no logical reason. We are back on I85. We get about 2-3 miles and see the junction of business 85 and I 85 where the wreck was. THAT part of the traffic flow was at a dead stop and people were out of their cars. It must have been bad. My only saving grace was that I at least had the presence of mind to say a little prayer for those poor people involved because I knew back when traffic was rerouted that it must have been bad enough for someone to die. We were 45 minutes from USCIS. Still dealing with some of the slower traffic due to the accident, I knew we wouldn’t even be close. It was 2:40pm. We would never make it. We didn’t give up though. I decided I was desperate enough to grab someone’s ankles and beg if I had to for them to let us in. Daddy would vouch for the fact that I would spew green stuff and spin my head around if they didn’t take my prints. We arrive at 3:30pm. They were closing at 4pm.

But WAIT . . . .what is this? There is NO ONE in line. There were about 6 workers and no “customers”! It was obvious to the lady covering the desk that I had been crying. I had my letters in hand telling her I knew about the rules and we left in plenty of time but there was this horrible accident. She knew all about it. It was breaking news. People died in that accident. She told me to relax, it wasn’t a problem. So I asked about all the verbiage and the horror stories about DENIALS, being on time, etc. She laughed. Said they just put that in there and she didn’t know why! I wasn’t laughing. It wasn’t funny at all to me. I was horrible to my husband, we drove at dangerous speeds, and I lost a few EQ points just to do what I was told so that I wasn’t one of those victims of the Feds that people have shared morbid tales about. So that I wouldn’t lose another baby. It wasn’t funny. I get my prints taken. Daddy gets his prints taken. I feel hungover. I feel angry. I feel like I need to get off government premises immediately.

On the drive back, Daddy is fine and tries to distract me by chatting about inconsequential matters. It isn’t working well. I am in an emotional process and I can’t be interrupted. It is like taking clothing from the washer after the agitation cycle but before the rinse and spin cycle. I think back to the class from that morning. No one asked about attachment issues until I did. You know . . . the ones that everyone is writing about. The ones that have books written about them. The ones that make adopting a child from an orphanage a little scary even though you are going to do it anyway and pray that you have what it takes to raise a healthy, happy child that knows who mommy and daddy are and are capable of receiving the love the mommy and daddy want to give him/her. The attachment issues that keep coming up in blog after blog and book after book and website after website? Those issues. I needed to know about them so I could help my child when she gets home. So I could be the mom she deserves. THOSE are the issues I need to hear about. NOW! Without exception, the people on the panel said “What attachment issues?” They all adopted from different countries and were at different phases of being at home. One lady adopted a 2 yo and 4yo from Russia that had been in an orphanage since they were born. She said the 4 yo had some issues, but she felt they were largely language barriers. She said at age 9, she is showing some behavior that may be related to attachment, but were not certain. Regardless, none of what they dealt with would fall into the attachment issues category. I was told by all of them that if I am looking for something, I will surely find a smidge of behavior and swear it is attachment issue related. Then the director of our agency spoke up. She is the mother of 4 adopted children. She agreed 100%. She said that we don’t hear about the families that go smoothly because they don’t sell books on those. I think back to the emails I have exchanged with some loverly families who are home with their children from VN. NOT ONE OF THEM had attachment issues to work through. I know other PAPs are like me and only want to arm themselves with all the information to be the best parents they can be. I have read their blogs. They are loverly people. They must be a bit scared too. I don’t blame them. There is so much hype about these children from orphanages that for those of us who do not even know who our children are yet, we want to start protecting them now. I get it. Then there were the NOIDS I wrote about a few posts ago. Do you want to know how many hits I got from google searches from poor PAPs absolutely terrified about those? I did it too. I don’t blame them a bit. It is soul shredding to read those words when you are adopting a child from another part of the world. To go through what we go through only to be turned away by our own government and not allowed to bring our children home? It takes my breath away to think about it. But that isn’t the norm. It is very rare. And now, I trust that it is very rare.

I’m sitting in the truck on the way home thinking of how upset and anxious I have been through this process of becoming a mom. I am forced to look at the facts. Those facts include that I believe we have chosen the best agency for us. I absolutely trust them 1000%. They have been true from the very beginning. I have moved through the very beginning stage of adoption to dossier submission at lightening speed (well, in adoption world anyway) because I am driven and I’m with an agency that held my hand the entire way, coaching me on what to do next and how to get it done when I wanted it done. I have “met” some awesome people so far and I’m positive I will meet tons more. My agency’s ethics are beyond reproach. The other adopted families have been honest and forthcoming with info. They have no reason to lie to me. Those are the facts. So why was I so upset? Because I believed all the hype and propaganda. I’m pissed at the Feds for making statements they did not intend to back up. I’m pissed at the Feds because they have phones in buildings that I have been told for 2 months had no way to be contacted. How much anxiety could have been mitigated if only I had a way to call them and let them know what was going on? Why did they get to distribute communication that essentially had me convinced that I would be denied my child if I was a millisecond late? I’m furious with them for that. I’m angry about the horror stories I’ve been told about them. I’m upset that I have put so much focus on how to deal with my child’s attachment issues because from what I hear, I’d do better reading up on the country of VN. From what I understand, I’d do better focusing on preparing the nursery. From what I hear, I’d enjoy my husband more until the baby comes home. But what am I doing? I’m reacting to the REACTORS of the world. I’m reacting to the people that only share part of the information. I’m reacting to anticipatory anxiety brought on by feeding into the doomsday side of me that is connected to the doomsday side in others. And I am pissed off about that. For those of you starting on your adoption journey, please do yourselves a favor . . . . focus on why you are doing all the work you are doing and trust your instincts. It is ok to believe that it will work out. It is ok to believe in your agency. It is ok to believe you have what it takes to be a good parent. It is ok to decorate the nursery. It is ok to look at the baby section in Target. It is ok to think about names. It is ok to be happy after having lost a baby that you once carried. It is ok to believe that life ISN’T out to get you. It is ok to believe that other people want to see you with a child of your own just as much as you do. And it is ok to ignore all the negative people in and out of the adoption world who are raining on your parade. Which is what I am going to start doing. For four years I worked harder that I have for anything in my whole life to become a mom. Now . . .motherhood isn’t far from my doorstep. Instead of worrying about what attachment issues my child might have, I think I shall focus on getting mommy squared away emotionally to stop expecting the worst to happen. I think that would be a better gift to my daughter. I am a very intense person, not prone to frivolity. Well, at age 42, I think I am entitled and require a little frivolity, dammit! It is long overdue! I’ll fix the world later!

Thank you for reading, if you have made it this far. Those of you insightful creatures have probably figured out that my meltdown was only triggered by the backed up traffic on the way to the FBI and that I have been carrying a lot of baggage that I didn’t even realize. I feel like I just went to therapy. Good! I needed it.
Now . . . . how about those cute little hair bows I got for my girl!

P.S. I’d like to give a Shout Out to my friend whose child is in Guatemala. I feel silly carrying on about my stuff when she is in knots over two governments who can’t seem to get their doo doo together on the precious children in that country and let them get home to their parents. I think a revolution might be in order, my dear! I’m in!

Not a happy post . . . .

I was traumatized this weekend. We had our fingerprinting appointment with the FBI.

I will write more later, but if anyone reading this blog is just starting out on the adoption process, do yourself a favor . . . . . .

Don't believe all the horror stories you read about. And that means with ANY portion of the adoption process. Suffice it to say that I got so upset at a series of events on Saturday, that I am still in tears about what happened and how I reacted today. The part that is most horrible??? The horror stories I've read didn't come to fruition, but my fears surrounding them are what caused me the most heartache.

I want to go into more detail about what happened when I can do it without clenching my teeth and without the alligator tears in my eyes.

End result . . . . everything is ok now . . . . . no thanks to all the "panic buttons" that got pushed.

Whatcha think about these diaper bags?

I kinda like #2, the red one . . . . .

Today's post is sponsored by the letter "A"

Daddy and I went to Dilly Dally, and upscale baby boutique. More about that later! To celebrate arriving at the "Middle-mester" in adoption world, we bought MyMy 2 little bows . . . . For those that don't know, "MyMy" is just my little Vietnamese nickname I'm using for my daughter so I don't give away her real name . . . . for now.

I AM NOT A GEEK!

I just play one on TV . . . and from time to time, I have to rehearse in public. This is the last 36 hours of my life. . . . give or take a few minutes.

October 15, 9:15 am~Arrive at the Secretary of State's office after having "jogged" down the block with my DDD's swinging vulgarly to and fro. It was not a pretty sight. Tried to look calm as I was huffing for breath through the big double doors. Gladys, the state worker didn't buy it. She took my documents with a smug smirk on her face as if to say "She thinks she hustled to get here this morning, wait til she finds out she has to come back after I find a mistake in her paperwork." I stare back at her with an equally smug look while thinking "Don't even think about it bitch . . . .I work at a law firm and I'm detail oriented to a science aside from that. My documents pass muster . . . . just please don't find the one thing that no normal human being would take issue with that I KNEW I should have fixed when I had the chance but didn't b/c I knew that I was going to be dealing with a rational human being at the government office."

9:18am~Another pleasant lady walks in with a tot and a package looking a lot like mine. We chat and discover that we are both adopting from VN. She tells me that she is from Charlotte and is staying at a hotel so she can pick these documents up rather than have them mailed. Those of us who have hunted these documents with the voracity of a Jack Russell Terrier understand why she made the 3 hour trip and got a hotel room. She also met a cyber friend the night before who was adopting from VN and lived in a city only 25 minutes from me. Hmmm . . . . . I wondered aloud what her friend's name was as one of the first people I "met" in Blogworld adopting from VN was from this same city. Her friend . . . . LuLu's Mom!!!!!! OMG we both gasped! We are almost related now! How loverly!

9:20am~Gladys is a blood hound. She found the only mistake. Get this. My employment verification was notarized by a coworker. I, being the Uber efficient GEEK that I am, ran the form document on our letter head and took the liberty of typing in all the notary information. Most notaries use an initial for the first or middle name, their full first or middle name and their last name. My coworker spelled out her entire 3 names. I typed in "Mary S. Smith" instead of Mary Susan Smith. No biggie. She signed Mary Susan Smith. It matched her notary seal. I didn't even HAVE to type in Mary S. Smith. I was just being efficient. But b/c I did type it in and it didn't EXACTLY match, GLADYS cast her shit-eating grin upon me and returned my form as unacceptable. I would have to completely redo the form.

9:21am~Catherine, Lulu's mom's friend, said "OMG, I cannot believe you are so calm. If that happened to me, I'd lose it." I knew I had to be strong for her (hahahahahaahahaha!). And I knew I couldn't let Gladys see me sweat.

9:22am~I cast my bigger shit-eating grin at Gladys. "Well, you look like you are reasonable. If I can have this form redone and back here within an hour or so, can I pick up my entire dossier AUTHENTICATED by 4:30 this afternoon?" Gladys looked at me and with a "Name that tune!" kinda tone in her voice said "Sure . . . . . . "

9:22:30am~I bolt out the door yelling "Good luck" to Catherine, DDD's back in action!

11:00am~I redid the form. It is perfect. I sway casually through the double doors again. Gladys is surprised to see me, but tries to hide it. My new form passes muster. On the way out I get ballsy. "Do you think I could pick those up by 4pm instead of 4:30pm?" I must have impressed Gladys . . . . she said "Sure, honey . . . they should be ready."

I WON!

4:01pm~I'M BAAAAAAACK! Dossier in hand, docs that do not require authentication in a separate labelled folder and the Fed Ex pack all ready to go. I grab my authenticated documents, review them, and get a little misty. I've worked so hard to get to this point. I drive back to work, drop the package off and feel like life as I know it is about to change.

October 16, 1:30am~Can't sleep .. . . . . .

10:23am~Placing agency receives dossier. Play phone tag with M. @ agency.

1:45pm~Speak to M. at agency. Here are the numbers: we are number 19 on the list, but that doesn't mean anything because . . . . . . .

We are number 8 in line for a girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone else wants boys!!!!!

The average wait time based on historical data is 4 months. The longest wait for a referral is 6 months. We might possibly have a referral by Valentine's Day or a little after. Although with the holidays, it could get pushed back. I'm just grateful to be out of the paperchase and officially waiting!!!!!! Remind me I said that January 31 ok?

One thing of note. Detail oriented people will notice that I still don't have the 171H. So I'll go ahead and address that now. Because NC residents are being made to wait so long for approval, they are not requiring that be done in order to be on the wait list. Based on the info from USCIS, in the event we get a referral before we get our 171H, we can request expedited processing and the approval is automatically sent to the Embassy in VN. I am sure we'll get our 171H long before a referral, but these procedures are in place if we need them.

That's all folks!!!!

8

That is the most beautiful number in the world.

What could it possibly mean????????????

This kinda thing is why I LOVE my placing agency so much!

DAMN internet! It is my blessing and my curse! I found several little blurbs last night discussing how 4 poor families were kept apart after traveling to VN because of NOIDS (Notice of Intent to Deny) from the US government which will not allow them to bring their children home. I am told there are several reasons for this . . . . the most insidious being suspicion of unethical adoption practices by an agency/facilitator and other less unsavory things. Reading the info, my heart just sunk for those families and the requisite terror of a PAP set in. I get verklempt now just thinking about it. So . . . I had to do it. Neurotica was up at 1:30am firing off an email to the placing agency, who, btw, has NEVER ONCE given me a reason to doubt them.

My email to 3 people:

I'm not panicking . . . . Just inquiring. I panicked last night.

*exhale*

Not sure if you all have gotten wind of 4 families that were issued NOIDS this week in VN. The news has made its way into cyberspace. I'd rather not know anything about them myself, but just for sanity's sake . . . . Have you all ever had a NOID issued for VN families? Just tell me "No" and I can go back to being blissfully ignorant.

This was my VN Coordinator's response. I really dig that they endorse "flags" being thrown on a play in situations that warrant a child/VN family being protected.

Hi Sharon,

Please do not panic! NOIDS are the kind of things that sound horribly scary, but are in fact relatively rare and, in a sense, a good thing (as it means the right precautions are being taken). But, no, (placing agency) has never had a family be issued a NOID!

Thanks,

Mary Beth

*WHEW*

GULP

. . . . Had a really nice chat with the VN coordinator at my adoption agency today. That's all I'll say for now.

*where is my bouncing up and down clapping smiley?*

YEAH! I got my first official "Here's Your Sign" comment!

I love Bill Engvall . . . . he is the comedian that does the "Here's Your Sign" stuff, in case you didn't know. The idea is that people that are a few fries short of a happy meal or a few letters shy of a full keyboard should wear signs letting the rest of us know where they are on the food chain.

Actually . . . . I got TWO of these comments in the same day this past weekend! Don't get me wrong, I've had some ignorant comments made to me so far, but not specifically about my baby in particular, just dumb comments about the process in general. See this link:http://sharonchronicles-adoption.blogspot.com/2007/09/answers-to-these-and-many-other.html

Incident #1

So, I'm at my mother's store pillaging through the 6-9 month section and pulling out my latest items (MyMy's closet is 1/2 way full and I am still paperchasin'!) when this really sweet mom struck up a conversation. She had a 1 month old and 2 other children that were 3 and 6. She probably has a good idea when children do things developmentally. She asked if my baby was with Daddy since she couldn't get a visual on who all these clothes were for.

Then my mother pipes up "WE are adopting from Viet Nam. WE don't have the baby yet, but WE are getting things ready for her when she gets here so." I just love that my mother is so psyched about this!

The young mom says "Viet Nam?? Do you know how old of a child you will be getting?"

Me: "I am guessing that our baby will be between 6 months and 12 months. I think the average is 8-9 months."

Young mom: "Will she speak Vietnamese?"

Me: *are you kidding me? look on my face* "No . . . . . . did your children speak English by the time they were 12 months old?"

Young mom: "OH . . . duh . . . . . "

Me: *burst out laughing to lighten the mood*

Incident #2

I leave my mother's store and go to Diva Girl to get my hair did. I love this woman. She is so awesome! We chat about what is new in adoption land and she starts telling me about this great new place for me to buy maternity clothes.

*crickets churping in background*

HERE'S YOUR SIGN

We both ended up laughing our heinies silly about that one.

This is gonna be fun!

AND IF ONE MORE PERSON!

Asks me to do something or expects that I should have just read their neurotic, self-centered mind and figured out what they wanted me to do, I'm gonna go Madea on their ass!

Sorry to have littered your sweet little blog with adult turd issues MyMy. Mommy will place nice now . . . . . ok, I'll try hard to play nice . . . . . . ok, I'll think about playing nice.

ARGH! I promise not to commit any crimes then!

Yeah Team!!!!

Just got an email from my favorite social worker of all time!

HOME STUDY IS BEING FED EX'D TO USCIS TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We will be getting our copy via USPS so I can get that authenticated and wrap up my dossier.

'Scuse me while I kiss the sky!

Think I need to make a phone call

I cannot get that little boy off my mind. He is obviously walking and most children are adopted before they are walking in VN. I wonder if he has special needs. I just want him. I don't know why, but I just do. I don't even know if my agency works with that orphanage or not. The agency that I do know that works with them has their VN program shut down right now. How in the world am I gonna find that child? "Excuse me . . . . I saw a picture of a little boy in white shorts in a Tam Ky orphanage that is adorable and has my name written all over his birth certificate? Know which one I'm talking about? Good . . . . I WANT HIM!" Why do I do this to myself!? Now I can't rest until I find out about that little boy. And why am I drawn to him so much? They DID approve me for 2 children, ya know . . . . . . and all my friends at the Psychic Friends Network told me they saw me with a boy . . . . . . . Hmmmmmm. . . . .